


It's Gonna Get Weirder 'Til I'm Gone

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Coming Out, Kink Meme, M/M, Sibling Incest, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-06-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 00:51:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo is a trans man and fine with it.  The company discovers this and learns to be fine with it, as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme! The prompt goes like this: "I see a distinct lack of ftm!Bilbo and I want to fix that
> 
> Bilbo has always felt as if he were a man, and since his early adolescence he has been living as Bilbo and not -insert birth name here-. For the most part everyone he knows is supportive and they let him do as he pleases, and honor his pronoun change. When the company comes along he's been living as a man for so long that even the people around him don't mention how Bilbo is a little "funny".
> 
> The dwarves thing Bilbo is a little funny with how he always bathes on his own, dresses with no one looking, and requires utmost privacy at night. They take it as odd Hobbit customs. Until one of them figures it out (walking in on Bilbo undressing/dressing, or bathing, etc).
> 
> Cue the "Bilbo's actually a lass" shit talking, and Bilbo now has to deal with traditional style dwarves who think the women should be at home (not in an aggressively sexist way, it's just their culture).
> 
> Bilbo now has to prove himself twice as hard and educate every single one of the company to make sure they don't start treating him different, since he's still a man after all!
> 
> There can be pairings (OP has a soft spot for Bagginshield, Kili or Fili/Bilbo)
> 
> Please all the dwarves be understanding and any ones who aren't are just ignorant and can be educated. In the end they all become very understanding friends and Bilbo's anatomy is completely disregarded as a factor to their attitudes towards him.
> 
> +The person who finds out about Bilbo and outs him to the rest of the company is Ori (who apologizes profusely for doing so once he's all educated and an ally)  
> ++If Thorin is a total dickwad about it at first but then he comes around and apologizes for it  
> +++If Kili is actually ftm too (completely in the closet to everyone but Fili and Dis who are both supportive. Not even Thorin knows) and confides in Bilbo and totally understands his feelings and they're each other's support on the trip"
> 
> I opted to go with a lot of emphasis on the last bonus.
> 
> Warning: This fic does discuss ideas that are transphobic, cissexist, and transmysogynistic. There is also discussion of feelings of alienation/gender dysphoria that may be triggering to people going through some of the struggles that Bilbo and Kili have to deal with. There is also sibling incest.
> 
> Title is a lyric from "Saddr, Weirdr" by Bomb the Music Industry!

The company made its way down from where the eagles left them and all Bilbo wanted was to clean up. His clothes were torn and he could feel his binding loosen against his chest, causing him to uncomfortably twist his body in a way to keep it in place. 

They finally found a river with a stream of cold, clear water. Thorin declared it as an appropriate place to set up camp and everybody gladly complied, splitting off into groups in order to prepare the area with the few supplies they had left. Bilbo knew he should have asked Bombur if he needed help with any scraps they had left for supper, but he decided that taking advantage of the river for bathing was a better idea. He assumed that protecting Thorin from Azog the Defiler was decent enough excuse to skirt his responsibilities for the evening. He removed his clothes and carefully removed his binding, inspecting the state of the vest. The seams were pulled apart and there was a hole or two, but he could stitch it back together. He wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to be able to work it at camp with his chest unbound, but he knew it was necessary. Perhaps if he worked on it when it was dark out nobody would notice.

He waded into the cold water and hummed to himself while he rubbed the dirt and blood off of his arms. The water was cold, but inviting as the layers of grime gave way to his pale skin.

He finished his bath and got out of the water, stopping in front of his binder to inspect the stitching. He heard rustling nearby and he nearly jumped into the water again. Instead, he held his clothes close to him, holding his breath.

Some branches were pushed aside and out came Nori and Dori, chatting amongst themselves. They noticed Bilbo and waved, nearly ignoring him until Nori turned to him again with his eyebrows. He walked closer to Bilbo and Bilbo nearly screamed, hugging the clothes tighter around him. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Nori asked.

Dori reached out to his brother and whispered, “Leave him be, brother.”

Instead, Nori pulled at the pile of clothes separating him and Bilbo and gasped when he saw Bilbo’s breasts partially exposed. Bilbo yelped, nearly tripping backwards. “Leave me alone!” he exclaimed, his voice hitting a pitch that made his own ears grate.

Nori grinned and sauntered into the bushes again. Dori yelled his brother’s name and followed him, briefly glancing at Bilbo’s chest before he left.

Bilbo dropped to his knees, biting on his hand to resist sobbing. He concealed a gasp as he felt his eyes sting with tears. He finally let go of his hand, noting the halfmoon impressions he left as he shakily began to put his clothing on. He hoped that Dori and Nori intended on keeping what they saw a secret. He kept the binder in his hands, assuming that he could pull his layers in a way that his chest wasn’t obvious. 

He wrapped the binder around his hands and marched back to camp, wiping his eyes and taking deep breaths before he entered a throng of chatty dwarves and a wizard, smoking his pipe and refusing to make eyes with Bilbo.

Bilbo kept his head high as he walked over to Ori and asked if he had any sewing supplies on him. Ori searched one of his pockets and found a needle and thread, surprised that it had successfully made it through their travels thus far. He stuttered a, “Ah, oh, h-here you go” as he nearly threw the supplies at him, flitting away to his brothers.

“While you’re mending your clothes, can you be a good little lady and fix mine?” Gloin asked, laughing at himself.

Bilbo turned around, glaring at him. He gnashed his teeth before he growled, “Not a lady. Not doing it. Sorry.”

“Not a lady, eh?” Bombur asked, “Nori said otherwise.”

Bilbo finally turned around, realizing that everyone in the company was watching him. He felt as if every part of his body was exposed for the feminine features that they were. His hips were too wide for the stance that he held and he felt as though he could move his arms in a way that blocked the curves of his breasts from being noticeable. 

Thorin stood up and stalked over toward him, his eyes unblinking as they met with his. “Is what he said true?” he asked, his voice rumbling in a tone that seemed almost disappointed, “Is it true that you are a woman?”

Bilbo stood up straight, bringing his hands down. He focused on studying Thorin’s body, as opposed to over analyzing his own. He wondered what it would be like to be able to trace the parts of his skin that were healing, like the arrangement of bruises on his face. He tried to speculate what Thorin’s body must look like underneath all the furs and complicated combat gear. He most likely had hips that were narrow and toned and a flat chest. He was dwarf-built, not quite what Bilbo would select for himself, but he was male and he didn’t have to have his identity questioned, because his body had features that indicated otherwise.

“Please answer me,” Thorin begged.

Bilbo took a deep breath before he said, “I do have the body of a woman. But I am not one.”

Thorin’s face fell. Bilbo could see Balin and Dwalin bow their heads down, as well. Bofur tilted his head to the side, his face screwing up in confusion. 

Thorin finally said, “I understand that hobbits have customs different from us, but we don’t typically allow our women to travel unless there are special circumstances.”

“Is Kili one of those special circumstances?” Bilbo asked, pointing to the princess that was on the edge of their conversation. She covered her face and Fili appeared next to her to hug her close.

“Kili has had the opportunity to train under Dwalin and myself for many years. She is on this quest with the hope of reclaiming our home and staying within its walls when it’s reestablished. I know for a fact you haven’t had any sort of training. We never should have even offered you a contract.”

Fili let go of Kili to make his way toward Bilbo and Thorin, but Kili grabbed him by his hips and pulled him back. She whispered something in his ear and held him closer as Fili’s stance eased up against her.

“All of these things are true, regardless if I was a man or a woman. I understand that my body doesn’t quite match with what I’m telling you, but I don’t think that’s anyone in the company’s business.” 

Gandalf stood up, towering over everyone. “I shall vouch for the hobbit if necessary, Thorin Oakenshield. He is just as much of a man as you are and has recently saved your life. I feel that should be enough evidence for this entire company that he should be treated with respect.”

Thorin sighed. “Very well,” he muttered, making eye contact with Bilbo again, “While I feel betrayed by your need to hide this detail about you, I accept that you are our burglar and must stay with our company to the company through the end of our journey.” He swept his jacket as he turned, returning to Balin and Dwalin.

Bilbo thought about screaming something along the lines of the only reason any member of the company would have to know about his body was if they were involved with him, but he resisted. It hurt too much making him think about how up until a few minutes ago, he found himself daydreaming about Thorin and brushing his fingers against his cheek. It didn’t matter anymore.

He stormed off to the few supplies that he still had, which was really just his sword, and brought it as far away from the center of camp as he felt comfortable with. He curled up on the ground and began to stitch his binder together, focusing on it as opposed to recent events.

He heard someone join him, dramatically dropping a jacket next to him. He looked up and saw Fili standing over him, his face twisted into a grimace.

“Please leave me alone,” Bilbo begged, “I am not having this argument again.”

Fili sat down and shook his head. “I’m not here to argue,” he said, “I’m here to apologize for the horrible things my uncle said to you. If you say you’re a man, you’re a man. Simple as that.”

Bilbo smiled, putting his sewing supplies down. He inched closer to Fili. “How is it that you are the only member of this company that can process that?”

Fili laughed nervously. “I don’t think I’m the only member. But... that doesn’t excuse everyone else.” He grabbed Bilbo’s hand and whispered, “If anyone harrasses you for anything at all... let me know. I will take care of it.”

Bilbo wanted to be touched. However, when he realized he was conversing with someone who had a plethora of blades on him at all times, he wasn’t sure if touched was the right feeling to have.

“So... you know of others like me?” Bilbo asked, not letting go until Fili did.

Fili nodded his head. “I absolutely do. They are my kin.”

“So Thorin should be aware of this?” Bilbo asked.

Fili sighed. “Unfortunately, he hasn’t told anyone outside of myself and one other person about it. But I love him no differently than I did before he told me.”

Bilbo looked away, trying his best to tilt his head in a way that Fili couldn’t see that his eyes were watering. “I just... thank you. Thank you so much, Fili. I needed to hear that.”

“I know you did.” He tried to fluff up the fur trim of his jacket as if it was a pillow. “Is it all right if I sleep near you tonight? I know you typically sleep by yourself, but I just thought you may like some sort of protection. Can Kili join? I seldom sleep without them nearby.”

“If she doesn’t mind dealing with me and my foul mood, she’s absolutely welcome to,” Bilbo replied, “My only request is that you two leave me be long enough to fix this vest.”

“It’s to flatten your chest, yes?” Fili asked. He quickly covered his mouth. “I’m sorry, is that too forward?”

Bilbo laughed. “No. It isn’t too forward. That’s what it does. Or it used to, before it got chewed up. I’m going to have to fix it, even though it seems that my secret is exposed.”

“I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Bilbo reminded him, his needle moving deftly along the fabric.

Fili opened his mouth to speak again, but closed it. “I’m going to find Kili,” he said before he got up and left.

Bilbo finished stitching the side of his binder when Fili returned with Kili’s supplies under his arm. He placed her weapons down at the foot of his jacket and Kili appeared a few moments later, sitting down next to them. She waved at Bilbo, smiling brightly at him. He waved back, the needle still in his hand. The smile disappeared from her face and she pressed her forehead against her brother’s back, draping her arm against his chest.

Bilbo tried not to think too much about the closeness between them. He assumed that dwarves were similar to many other races in the sense that they weren’t necessarily comfortable with the idea of siblings marrying each other, but they made exceptions for the sake of keeping bloodlines pure. It was also possible that Kili was lonely. She was the only woman in the company. Thorin just confessed that she was going to arrive home with all of the accolades of a warrior, only to be sealed off from going on adventures ever again. 

“I’m sorry about what happened,” Kili said, her face still pressed against her brother’s back.

Bilbo looked up, realizing that he almost missed what she said. “Oh? Ah, right. Well, it was bound to happen eventually.” 

Kili sat up, resting her chin on Fili’s shoulder. “How can you handle this so easily?” she asked, “I would be... I feel as though others would be terrified.”

“Well, you clearly haven’t dealt with the Hobbiton rumor mill,” Bilbo muttered, shaking his head. “Thankfully, the transition from Billa, the queer daughter of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took to Bilbo, the queer son of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took was fairly seamless.”

“How?” she asked, her eyes wide. Fili tilted his head to Bilbo and moved his hand in a “go on” motion.

“Oh, I always knew that I was this way. I just decided when I hit my teens that I was done with going by my given name and I wanted to tell everyone that I refused to wear dresses and kept my hair short was for more than just comfort.” He moved onto the other side of his binder and grinned. “My parents had their suspicions. And while I don’t think my father never quite got the name right when he spoke to me, he made sure to write me in as Bilbo Baggins in his will. Everyone else just let me keep to myself. I’m sure they always found it odd. I don’t know any other hobbit like me. But I don’t mind. I never was big on groups or anything like that. I’m content being the eccentric owner of Bag End that keeps to himself.”

Kili burrowed into Fili’s shoulder and nodded her head. “That sounds so wonderful,” she said dreamily.

“Living alone with piles of books? I mean, it’s wonderful for me. I’m not sure if it would be wonderful for someone like you.” Bilbo could already see Kili being incapable of staying in any enclosed space. He imagined her riding a pony and trying to run away any chance she got. He wondered if even Thorin believed that she would settle down by the journey’s end.

“Well, no. I can’t say I’m one for books. But I am one for being anywhere that you can be whoever you want to be.” She sat up straight for a moment, letting her hair fall in front of her face. “Excuse me,” she whispered, standing up and walking off.

Bilbo squinted, noticing how she rubbed at her eyes as she walked away. Fili whispered, “I’m sorry, but I have to...”

Bilbo shook his head. “It’s not a problem. Go make sure she’s all right.”

Fili got up and shuffled off, his boots crunching loudly on the forest floor. He heard him whisper his sister’s name as they got farther away from camp, but still within earshot. 

Bilbo wondered if he should notify them about this fact, but he resisted. Instead, he finished up mending his binder and attempted to find an area away from everyone to get it back on. As he walked through, he couldn’t help but hear the sibling’s conversation. He tried to cover his ears, but found himself hearing his name and having to figure out why he was being mentioned.

“This is your chance, Kili,” Fili said, his voice steady.

“No, I can’t. I can’t do it. What good would it be telling him? It’s not like I can do anything about it. Not like he has.” Her voice was strained and farther away. 

“Maybe not. But Mother and I can only do so much. And now she’s not even around to talk to you about it.”

Bilbo’s eyes widened. So Kili was a man. He couldn’t say that it explained a lot of things, especially because he didn’t have any grasp of how gender worked with dwarves. But it certainly explained Kili’s investment in his explanation about his life back at the Shire while he was transitioning years ago.

Bilbo tried his best to step into his binder and wiggle it on as quickly as he could. He admired its ability to fit on him before he got his shirt, vest, and waistcoat back on and dashed back to the sleeping area, moving around loud enough that he couldn’t hear anymore of Fili and Kili’s conversation.

He didn’t stop making noises until Fili and Kili returned. His mind was spinning around with what he could possibly say to Kili if Kili was comfortable enough with sharing that part of himself. 

Fili and Kili looked worn as they sat down next to each other, not even announcing that they returned. Kili’s eyes wandered toward the trees as Fili took to sharpening one of his many blades, occasionally shooting a glare at Kili.

Eventually, Fili sharpened the blade to his liking and stretched. “Well, I’ve just realized none of us have had supper. I’ll see if there is anything left for us. I’ll be right back.”

Bilbo winced as Fili stomped off, knowing that any of the meager rations they had left were most likely eaten by that point. He tried his best to keep his eyes away from Kili, chewing on the inside of his lip.

Kili finally turned toward him, his dark eyes focused on anywhere but Bilbo’s face. He finally said, “You are very brave. Much braver than I am.”

“I think we are different types of brave,” Bilbo said, tilting his head back to look up at the setting sun.

“I’m hiding... a part of me. I always have. From everyone. Aside from Fili and my own mother.” Kili was still not making eye contact with him.

Bilbo nodded his head slowly. “We’re all hiding something, Kili. There’s no need to be ashamed of that.”

“But what I’m hiding...” He covered his mouth briefly before he brought his hand down again and said, “...What I’m hiding is just... unnatural. At least, it has to be. Right?”

Bilbo took a deep breath before he responded. “I don’t know what you’re hiding. So I can’t be sure if it’s unnatural or not.”

Kili shuffled around, crossing his legs different ways before he finally said, “I’m... I... I’m sorry. I don’t really know how to talk about this. I just... I think the Maker made a mistake when forming me. I don’t want to be a princess. I don’t want to be a queen. I don’t really want to rule at all, but if I had the choice, I’d much rather be a prince. Or a king.” He finally looked up at Bilbo with glassy eyes. “I don’t know why I’m acting like I’m not sure of it. I’ve been certain of this since my twenties.” He rolled his eyes, wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry, I don’t really know what to say. Fili just thought that I should talk about it with you. And I just... I never thought I’d ever meet someone like me.”

“If it’s any consolation, I never thought I’d meet someone like me, either,” Bilbo noted, sliding his hand toward Kili’s and letting his fingers brush against his. “It’s quite nice, though. Knowing that not only is there someone right here in this big world that entirely understands how I feel.”

Kili launched himself across the space between them and embraced him, nearly knocking both of them over. 

When Fili returned, Kili was done embracing Bilbo and opted to sit next to him, holding his arm as he babbled about a wide assortment of topic. Most of them ended with the phrase “And now I have somebody to talk about it with!” before he gave Bilbo another tight squeeze. Bilbo contently nodded his head, not always catching every word, but knowing that he probably would understand if he could.

Kili noticed Fili enter and he exclaimed, “Hi, Fili!” before he began to tell a story about how Thorin was angry that he passed as a boy once in a city they traveled to during his training. 

Fili handed several pieces of beef jerky and said that this was all that was left before he put his hands on his belt and grinned. “So you told him?” he asked Kili.

Kili looked up and nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I did!” he exclaimed.

Fili turned to Bilbo and asked, “Would you be able to deal with him alone if I went to talk to Thorin?”

Kili rubbed his cheek against Bilbo’s arm. Bilbo shook his head, attempting to wiggle his arm free. “I don’t think I have a choice,” Bilbo confessed, scrunching his nose at Kili as he pouted at him.

“Fair enough,” Fili replied, “I should be back soon enough.”

Kili finally loosened his grip on Bilbo’s arm. He flexed his hand several times before he said, “Fili really looks out for you, doesn’t he?”

“He was the first person I ever told,” Kili explained, “He wasn’t very surprised. Neither was my mother, actually… were you surprised?”

“I think my surprise is more associated with finding someone else like me, not really that you are like me.”

Kili nodded. “Well, that’s good. Because… I’m pretty sure it’s happened before for dwarves. Actually, I know it’s had to. My brother found some stories about one once when he was looking through texts with Ori once. Maybe I just don’t know anyone, because nobody talks about it.” He sighed. “But it doesn’t matter. I need to keep it secret. There’s too much on the line.”

When Kili didn’t break off into another ramble, Bilbo knew that it was a topic he shouldn’t attempt to push further.

*

Spending the night next to Fili and Kili almost allowed Bilbo to forget about what had happened at the riverbank the day before. Finding out about Kili was worth celebrating, both for himself and for Kili. When he woke up the next day, he found himself more touched and less confused by the sight of Fili pressing Kili’s head to his chest, wrapped in Fili’s jacket.

Bilbo watched them for a brief moment, hoping they wouldn’t catch him. As far as he could see, Fili was nothing but a positive support system. Perhaps it was inevitable that they were in the type of arrangement that they were in.

He began to pack up his bag and found himself thankful that he ended up born a hobbit, and not a member of dwarven royalty. Maybe Kili was holding out that Fili would take him as his partner so he wouldn’t have to worry about being married off to another kingdom. Bilbo shuttered at the thought of it, wondering what complicated dresses and accessories Kili would have to be forced into to fit that role. 

No wonder Kili found his life at Bag End so appealing. He wondered if maybe he could visit, traipsing around in traditional hobbit garb. He’d most likely love it as much as he hated it.

Bilbo got back into his binder and walked along the riverbank, letting the cuts on his feet be cleaned out by the soft current. He thought about the time he was around ten years old and forced into a green dress his mother spent a long while working on. He complained the entire festival they were attending, refusing to dance with anyone and quickly shooting down any compliments aimed at him.

He was positive that Kili had to have been that way at some point. He had seen dwarf stubbornness in action long enough to know that any dwarf going through those types of realizations about their body would be impossible to deal with. At this point, Bilbo wondered what forces were able to drain this out of him enough to make him accept the role declared for him.

“M-mister? Mister Bilbo?” 

Bilbo turned around and saw Ori standing near him, poking his fingers into the knitting of his hand covers.

“Yes, Ori?” Bilbo asked. 

“Ah, well. You see, we’re moving soon. And we couldn’t find you. And Fili and Kili didn’t know where you were, so I decided to... search for you.”

Bilbo nodded. “Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I don’t have much to pack at this point.”

Ori stood up straight. “Yes, I suppose that’s a good thing, sir.”

Bilbo squinted at him. “Ori, you never refer to me as sir. Or mister, for that matter.”

Ori sighed. “I’m sorry, I just... I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t know how to act. I just... Nori told me what happened and I didn’t know how to respond.”

“It’s quite all right,” Bilbo told him. It really wasn’t. He was still furious thinking about how Nori felt the need to announce to the entire camp about what happened. But they were on a quest and there were too many dangers to make enemies with his own company. “Just treat me exactly how you did before this happened and everything will be fine.”

Ori smiled nervously. “Ah, yes. That makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Bilbo didn’t reply. He did wonder if Ori was going to be able to actually go through with that request.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and commented on the first chapter. It means a lot to me to see such an outpouring of support for this fic. I hope that this chapter is enjoyable and that you continue letting me know what you think!
> 
> I would also like to thank Eli (thewordwielder on Tumblr) for betaing this chapter. It means so much to me :')
> 
> Other than that, if you have any questions about this fic and you want to take it outside of AO3 comments, feel free to contact me via Tumblr @ gandalfexmachina. I would love to hear from you! Hope this is a good read!

Gandalf announced that he knew of someone who was potentially able to provide them with supplies. The company dragged itself along behind him, every member hungry and aching from sleeping on the hard ground. 

Bilbo walked toward the back, making no effort to speak to anyone aside from the youngest dwarves he was traveling with. Kili was bouncing around from group to group. He had energy that Bilbo hadn’t seen since much earlier in the journey.

“Wonder what’s gotten into the lass,” Balin muttered, appearing at Bilbo’s side.

Bilbo turned around to him and asked, “Lass?” before he remembered. “Oh, Kili. Right.” He shrugged. “Must have been a good night’s sleep.”

“She’s quite crafty. Did she make you into a pillow and her brother into a mattress?’

Bilbo winced. Hearing Kili being referred to as a woman made him think about how his parents begged him to use his given name a few months after he came out to them, out of concern that he wasn’t entirely certain of his identity. The wrong pronouns screeched in his ears and he wanted them to stop.

Bilbo took a deep breath. “Oh, no. Kili just used Fili’s jacket as a blanket.”

Balin bowed his head and laughed. “Sounds like something she would do.” He looked up again and said, “I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I had no idea that you were... like that.”

“Well, that’s sort of the point,” Bilbo sniped. His eyes widened as soon as the words left his mouth.

Balin continued focusing on the company in front of them. “I understand. Us dwarves don’t typically have this issue of men wanting to become women and women wanting to become men. We dress how we like and we do what we want for the most part.”

“Unless you’re a woman, correct?” Bilbo asked.

Balin shook his head. “You must think of us as horrible men that imprison our women and make them into nothing more than birth givers.”

“Not really,” Bilbo lied.

“We have always kept our women within our holds to protect them,” Balin explained, “Other races have... taken advantage of them... time and time again.” He turned to Bilbo and added, “It doesn’t help that there are just so few of them, as well. Kili was one of the only girls born in her village for a few years, you know. I’m surprised that Thorin even allowed her to come with us.”

“Would someone like me be a disgrace to your people, then?” Bilbo asked.

“I’m not sure if disgrace is the right word. We don’t force our women to marry. But we would much prefer if they do. And we would most certainly appreciate if they have children.” Balin turned his head around, as if he was looking for someone. “It’s just... a bit odd to us... why someone wouldn’t want to be a woman. We take good care of them. It’s an absolute honor to have a dwarf woman declare you worthy. Why would anyone want to let go of that power?”

“I’m not a dwarf,” Bilbo prefaced, “but I can tell you that even if you told me I could become a queen, I’d never live my life as a woman. Because that isn’t me. It’d be more than wearing clothes that I don’t like. It’d be putting on a version of me that isn’t my own. Sure, you can tell me there are benefits. And I’m sure there are plenty of dwarf women that agree with you. But... I can’t. And I think you should really consider that there are dwarf women, or what you would classify as dwarf women, that don’t agree with you, either.”

Balin sighed. “I’m sure you’re right. But at the end of the day, you’re a hobbit. You don’t understand our culture. And while you may be right, there could be dwarves that are like you, I can’t say I’ve met one that challenges the ideas that we have presently.”

Bilbo balled his hands into fists, pressing his nails into his skin. “Well, then. What becomes of Kili?”

“Ah. Kili’s situation is a bit… difficult. Most dwarf women don’t have to concern themselves with furthering their family’s claim to a throne. Ideally, her arrangement with Fili leads to them being wed and producing heirs. Or she ends up with someone else and produces heirs, should Fili follow his uncle’s footsteps and not have any of his own.”

“So it’s all up to… her… regardless?” Bilbo muttered under his breath, “That doesn’t seem fair.”

At this point Balin leaned in close.

“Pardon me?” Bilbo asked.

Balin whispered, “I respect you, Bilbo Baggins. I really do. I will continue treating you as I did before yesterday. You are our burglar and I’m grateful for that. But if you fill Kili’s head with ideas of running away from her duties as a princess, I am not afraid to harm you. It is my duty to protect the Line of Durin and she may be its only chance of survival.”

Bilbo felt his heart ache as he replied with a shaky, “Understood.”

*

Gandalf introduced each member of the company slowly, but surely to a massive beast of a man named Beorn. While he was difficult to read, he gladly opened up his dining hall for the company to eat. 

He listened to Gandalf and Thorin discuss the supplies that they were in need of and Bilbo came up with an idea. He jumped into the circle, refusing to look at Thorin when he asked, “Can I make a request?”

Thorin cringed as Beorn growled, “Depends on what you’re requesting.”

“I’d like some fabric that has some sort of stretch to it. Possibly some thread, as well.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Beorn said.

“Thank you,” he replied, ducking out of the circle and joining the rest of the company.

Most of the dwarves were relatively silent. He couldn’t tell if it was in response to the amount of food they were being offered or the fact that they were intentionally avoiding him. Instead, he sat in-between Fili and Kili, who gladly chatted with him and distracted him from having to think about everybody else.

Beorn had the supplies delivered to him by one of his animal companions and he tried his best to discreetly tuck them to his side while he continued his meal. 

“What’s that for?” Kili asked loudly, still shoving food into his mouth as he asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Bilbo murmured. “Just hoping to work on a project.”

“Can you tell me what it is?” Kili asked, slurping on the honey that had caked on his fingers.

“I’ll let you know when it gets closer to actually looking like anything,” Bilbo replied. He made his own binder after sufficient amounts of trial and error. At this point, he was an expert at making one whenever the material became too stretched to serve its purpose anymore. He could certainly make one for someone else, even though it would help to have his measurements.

Kili shrugged, helping himself to another scoop of honey as he gabbed to Bifur. Bifur’s fingers raced quickly as he replied.

The food finally petered out and sections of the company went to bed. Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, and Gandalf stayed up, most likely establishing some sort of plan for when they left Beorn’s. Bilbo wandered around, trying his best to avoid making eye contact with anyone, unsure as to what he was supposed to say.

Fili approached him, his hair glowing with the faint lights from the candles that were scattered throughout the hall. “Are you going to bed soon?” he asked.

Bilbo shook his head. “No. I’m not tired just yet. Head’s a little jumbled right now.”

Fili smiled, placing his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder. “Well, when you’re finally tired, Kili and I are toward the corner back there,” he pointed away from them at Kili, who was contently setting up his new bedding.

“While I do appreciate your efforts, you don’t have to guard me,” Bilbo told him, hoping that a smile would be enough reassurance.

“It doesn’t have to be for the rest of the journey,” Fili said, “but it’s the least I can do for what you’ve already done for my brother.”

Bilbo realized that he was still holding the material that he requested in his hand. “Oh,” he murmured, “I was planning on doing one more thing for him... but I sort of need help with measurements.” 

“What are you planning on doing?” Fili asked, leaning in toward Bilbo to inspect the fabric.

“Oh, I was just kind of hoping to make a vest for Kili. I don’t think he’d be able to use it for awhile, but I think it would be a kind gesture. Right?”

Fili thumbed through the fabric and grinned. “I think it’d be more than just a ‘kind gesture.’ Kili would probably try to wear it the second you gave it to him.” 

“I just need his measurements,” Bilbo noted.

“Oh! Well, I don’t have the exact numbers, but I can show you!” Fili cupped his hands accordingly and Bilbo winced, pulling Fili’s hands down. “How about you just measure him and get back to me?”

“I can do that, too!” Fili exclaimed, finally getting his fingers out of the clawed position they were in prior. 

Bilbo ran his fingers across Fili’s chest, providing him with instructions on how to get exact measurements for his chest. Bilbo laughed nervously, hoping that nobody was going to walk in on him groping a prince’s chest.

“Sounds simple enough. I wonder how I’ll be able to keep it a surprise.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. ‘I’m sure you’ll find a creative way. One I sincerely hope you don’t give me any details of.” 

Fili laughed. “You will only hear the numbers that you need! Are you sure you don’t want any company before you go to bed?”  
Bilbo shook his head. “I think I’ll be just fine. I’m sure I will join you soon enough.”

Members of the company retreated to the hall the company was sleeping in. Bilbo focused on the detailed carving of the walls, what dark, terrifying things were in the forest, what kind of sewing pattern he should consider utilizing for Kili’s binder, anything but the rest of the company. At one point Thorin passed by him, his blue eyes meeting with his own before they focused on the path in front of him again. For a fleeting moment, Bilbo felt his stomach flip and he nearly punched the wall at a sharp corner in response. There was never a reason to feel that way about Thorin. They were moving through the same journey, but they were going to end up in entirely different places by the end of it. 

“You appear troubled,” Gandalf announced.

Bilbo turned around and saw that Gandalf was sitting in a chair that he couldn’t recall being located in that spot moments earlier.

“Of course I’m troubled,” Bilbo murmured, leaning against the wall. “There are plenty of things to be troubled by.”

Gandalf pulled his pipe from his side and packed it as he nodded his head. “Ah, yes. There are plenty of troubles associated with the road. And now you have the troubles associated with Nori’s stunt the day before...” He never completed his sentence, choosing to pop his pipe in his mouth and inhale deeply.

“I guess I should be surprised I passed as long as I did,” Bilbo said, wincing as the carvings in the wall poked his back as he slid down to the floor. “I suppose it helps that many of them have most likely never seen a hobbit before.”

“Perhaps,” Gandalf replied, “But it’s also possible that you told them that you were a man and it’s simple as that until something is discovered that challenges it.”

“You’d think they wouldn’t have cared. Don’t their women grow beards, as well?”

“I don’t think that’s the issue. I believe that they are taking issue with the fact that they have so few women in their population and they believe that they should be kept safe, because of it. It isn’t that they aren’t capable or anything like that. It’s just that... they are trying. Unfortunately, this makes it fairly difficult to figure out what to do with you. At least, for the older ones. It seems that you have only gotten closer to Fili and Kili.”

Bilbo pressed his face on his knees, hoping that Gandalf could not see the smile that formed on his lips. “Did you always know about me, Gandalf?” he asked.

Gandalf took another drag from his pipe and exhaled before he asked, “Did I know what about you?”

Bilbo took a deep breath before he continued. “When you first met me I was a little girl. A horrible little girl who refused to wear dresses and would rather wander around in the woods, but a little girl nonetheless. And yet when you approached me years later with the prospect of an adventure... you knew who I was, even though I haven’t presented myself as a woman for years. Did you know all those years ago that I was different?”

“I knew you were different in the sense that I could ask of your presence for this adventure. I would have preferred to get you on it with less shoving, but I knew you were going to come along regardless. But I went into the Shire asking for a Billa Baggins of Bag End. I was corrected by a young woman that there was no Billa Baggins, but a Bilbo Baggins of Bag End. It took me a moment, but I pieced together that they were two different names for the same person.”

Bilbo banged his head on the wall, listening to the soft thunking noise it caused. “Oh. I was just wondering.”

“I have met others like you, Bilbo. You are certainly not alone. I may not be able to pick them out when I meet them initially, but I do know that they exist. And I believe that you have made this realization, as well.” Gandalf stared at him, his eyes glittering.

Bilbo decided that the best solution was to turn away from him, focusing on the candle instead.

“I had my suspicions, but the way he flocked to you for the past day or so was confirmation enough.”

Bilbo felt his fingers twitch, wishing that his pipe wasn’t destroyed long ago at this point. 

“You worry about Kili.”

Bilbo shut his eyes, thankful that Gandalf was at least refusing to refer to him as a woman. “Of course I worry about Kili. I worry about everyone. Did you listen to Beorn? There’s horrifying things in this forest.”

“You and I both know that your concerns are beyond the beasts in this forest.”

Bilbo grabbed at his hair, yanking at it. “Balin kept telling me that the line needs heirs. If they come from Fili and Kili being together, or one of them in a different relationship, that’s fine.” He let the dull ache at his head swim through him before he added, “So if Fili doesn’t have an heir, it’s possible that Kili will get pressured to find someone else... and if he refuses to tell that partner...” He turned to Gandalf and gulped before he said, “Whatever is waiting for him at Erebor... all of those expectations put upon him, because of his birth... it’s going to destroy him.”

“It very well may destroy him. Unfortunately, you can’t expect him to take a similar path to the one you took because you both have this in common with each other. He must decide what path he wishes to take. Even if it will make him suffer.”

“How hopeless,” Bilbo mumbled.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t push him your way, though. A guide, of sorts.”

“I’m not really sure anybody in the company will be appreciative of me turning a princess into a prince.”

“You’d certainly make the one member in the company who is struggling feel better. And you’ll have his brother’s blessing every step of the way. While two out of thirteen is not a great amount, it’s more than enough to make you try, don’t you think?”

Bilbo hugged his ankles as he brought his legs as close to himself as possible. “I suppose it does,” he whispered. He stood up, brushing off his pants before he said goodnight to Gandalf. He noticed that his bedding was already set up next to Kili and he curled up, feeling an arm sling across him. He nuzzled himself into the crook of Kili’s arm and fell asleep with relative ease for the first time in a long while on the journey.

*

Bilbo woke up early that morning, slipping out of Kili’s grasp and wandering the hall. He watched the sunrise through the windows, smirking when the rays hit members of the company and irritated them. He noticed Thorin rise from the heap of dwarves, pulling apart his ponytail and untangling any knots in it. Bilbo backed away, even though he knew he was spotted. 

Thorin got up and walked over, his clothes still mussed from sleep. “Did you sleep well, burglar?”

Bilbo shrugged. “I slept quite well, actually. I think the new bedding helped.”

Thorin smiled. It was enough for Bilbo to finally stop shuffling backward. “We haven’t been able to speak much since...”

“...since you found out about me,” Bilbo finished.

Thorin pressed his lips into a straight line and stopped attempting to get closer. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner...”

“A lot has happened over the course of a day. It’s understandable.”

Thorin bowed his head for a moment before he raised it again. “I had no right questioning your abilities for the sake of this quest. Especially when you’ve already proven that you are certainly worthy. You saved my life. That can’t be forgotten.”

“And what do you see me as?” Bilbo asked, his throat tightening up. He cleared his throat.

 

“I see you as Bilbo Baggins, our burglar.”

Bilbo sighed. “Figured as much,” he mumbled, turning around.

“Wait,” Thorin ordered, reaching out toward him and pulling him around to face him again. “Fili and I discussed what happened. He said that what happened doesn’t change who you are... and he’s right.”

Bilbo smirked. He didn’t realize that his alliance with the young heir would become one of the best things that could have happened to him recently. “Your nephew is quite smart when it comes to these things.”

“He’ll be an excellent diplomat when he’s king,” Thorin said, his face softening the slightest bit. “But that is not the point. I want to make it clear that I plan on treating you as I did before. I hope that you can permit that.”

Bilbo tried his best to focus on the floor and ignored the swell in his chest that decided to find its way into him anyway. He wanted to still be bitter toward Thorin’s words. It was almost enough for him to bury his feelings somewhere in the dirt of the forest and walk away from it. “I permit it,” he whispered, angry at his mouth for curving into a smile, “I absolutely permit it.”  
Thorin breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Well... begin packing your things. We must leave as soon as everyone is ready.”

Bilbo opened his mouth to say something else. Thorin didn’t notice as he walked past, walking amongst the company to see who was awake.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori and Bilbo confront each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has commented and left kudos thus far on this piece! It means a lot. I really hope you enjoy this latest installment. Also, a super special thanks for Eli (thewordwielder @ Tumblr) for taking the time to beta... and falling into my trap of shipping Thorin/Bilbo in the process :3
> 
>  **Warning:** This scene contains blatant transphobia. Please be prepared for this during the chapter. Also, please keep in mind that the point of this fic is to confront the various prejudices that characters like Nori, Bofur, Bombur, and Gloin have and fix them. This does not mean that these characters are going to be labelled as "bad guys" for the entirety of this fic.

They left Beorn’s on ponies, a sensation that Bilbo was still not entirely used to as he wondered who he could be near as they made their way on the road. 

“You aren’t holding the reins correctly, lad,” Dwalin noted, stopping his pony next to him. He lifted his hands and gave the reins a shake to show where his hands fell against the leather. “Like this.”

Bilbo imitated the hand placement and nodded his head. “Thank you very much.”

“We should get going,” Dwalin said, his pony moving ahead. Bilbo followed him, hoping that it was an invitation.

They traveled in silence, Bilbo occasionally eavesdropping on other members of the company as he watched Dwalin. Dwalin noticed his focus on him and he snorted, tilting his head around before he asked, “Am I supposed to say something? Announce that I support you and all that?”

Bilbo shook his head. “I’m not really looking for support.”

“I don’t believe that.”

Bilbo adjusted his grip on the reins before he said, “I just need to know who I can be near and not worry about being mocked for who I am.”

“Well, I’m not one for mocking.” 

Bilbo realized that he could stare at Dwalin’s face for the rest of the journey and he would never quite figure him out. He knew that his concerns were not with a hobbit with a body that didn’t quite match what he introduced himself as.

He wasn’t sure why he still wanted to continue the conversation. It was possible that he really was just looking for support. He spent years of his life in an empty house with occasional visitors, but nobody willing to stay. It was difficult recalling anyone that wanted to spend time with him that wasn’t a fairly close relative until Gandalf appeared at his door, at least since his parents died.

Journeys were exhausting. They resulted in twists and turns that his feet and mind couldn’t anticipate. But they did result in bonds and contact that made his chest swell for the first time since he was in his teens. He wasn’t sure he could ever regain the closeness he had toward the group beforehand, but he wanted to try.

“Your brother says that he doesn’t know of anyone quite like me,” Bilbo said.

Dwalin sighed. “Because my brother never looked hard enough.” There’s a tightness in his voice that Bilbo can only assume was a frustrated little brother trying to prove himself. “There have been women who joined our armies and came back as men. They changed their names and took on wives and lived their lives as warriors. It’s not a perfect fit, but it sounds close enough.” 

Bilbo found himself stuck on one detail in particular about these warriors. “They took on _wives_?” he asked. “That’s possible?”

“The ones that wanted to get married made it possible. Some preferred to stick to their craft. They are the same as any other dwarf.” Dwalin was silent for a moment, petting his pony’s neck. “I haven’t met many of them, but all of them proved their worth as warriors. Which is all that matters to me.”

Bilbo leaned back on his pony, pushing his hair back before he stared forward for awhile. He wondered what it was like to have someone at his side and not have anyone in the Shire question it. It didn’t seem quite possible considering hobbit enthusiasm toward gossip. It had been years since he had even kissed another at this point. Even then, it was at a time that he would allow boys to refer to him by the wrong name if it meant that he could be with them late at night or when nobody was looking. 

He tried to tell himself that he was older now. He didn’t want to be treated that way anymore. But he knew that he still wouldn’t mind being kissed in secret as long as whoever he was with would call him the right name, particularly if it was the leader of their company.

They rode as long as they could before they set up a camp site. Bombur attempted to determine how much food they could spare for supper and Bilbo set up their new bowls and utensils. As he lined everything up Fili appeared with a scrap of paper in-between his fingers.

“Chest measurements, as promised!” Fili exclaimed, bowing the slightest bit as he passed the piece of paper to Bilbo. 

“That was quick,” Bilbo noted, reading off the numbers. “Thank you. I’ll get to work as soon as I’m done setting up.”

Fili sat down patiently, watching him. “Would you be able to sleep by yourself tonight?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Bilbo finished stacking everything together and shrugged. “I slept by myself for nearly every night before this whole ordeal. I can certainly sleep by myself again.”

Fili smiled. “Good. I’m glad. If you can’t, let us know. Please.”

Bilbo’s eyes narrowed. “Can I ask a potentially invasive question?”

“I think we’re beyond invasive questions at this point, Bilbo.”

“What exactly is Kili’s and your relationship?”

Fili nearly hid in the fur lining of his jacket. “I love him. I’m not sure you would like me to elaborate.”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows and shrugged. He was quite certain that he didn’t want to know anything else. Maybe there would be a time in which he would be able to entirely understand. It was not going to be the evening he was asked to not share the same sleeping space with them.

Fili stayed by his side, happily donating his blades to cut out the material for making Kili’s binder. Ori saw that there was crafting taking place and happily joined them, watching Bilbo nervously hold a large blade in his hands as he ripped the fabric apart. 

“What’re you making?” Ori asked, dusting off one of the pieces of fabric to inspect the panels that Bilbo drew onto it.

“A vest,” Bilbo fibbed, glancing at Fili before he ripped into the fabric. 

Fili just grinned and said, “You’re doing an excellent job!” Bilbo was certain that it was an exaggeration, but he didn’t mind hearing it.

Bilbo finally got all the panels out and he passed the knife back to Fili. Fili gladly tucked it away and he leaned against Ori, the two of them watching.

Bilbo glared at them briefly before he threaded his needle. “Don’t forget to blink or anything,” he mumbled. He waved the material around and said, “I’m going to sit by the fire and work on this. Care to follow me?”

“What if Kili finds out?” Fili asked.

“This is a gift for Kili?” Ori said, turning to him.

Bilbo sighed. “Yes, but it’s a surprise. So keep it a secret.”

Ori nodded his head vigorously. “I will, I promise!”

Bilbo smiled as he walked toward the fire, trying his best to avoid laughing as the two dwarves followed him. When he finally looked around, he realized that Nori was at the circle, chatting with his older brother. He glanced at Bilbo for a moment, only to continue his conversation. Ori waved at his brother, but quickly tucked his hands into his sleeves. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“He’s your brother,” Bilbo said, focusing on the first few stitches of the binder. “I’m angry for what he did, but I’m not going to be angry at you for caring about him.”

“I tried talking to him at Beorn’s, but it wasn’t quite working out,” Ori murmured. “Dori kept telling me that it wasn’t the time to have that conversation.”

“I appreciate your efforts,” Bilbo told him, “I really do.” 

“You’re going to have to say something to him eventually,” Fili reminded him. “Unless you want me to take care of that…”

Bilbo nearly growled when he said, “There’s no need.” 

Fili muttered an “All right, then” and got up, meeting up with Kili and Dwalin on the other side of the fire that was set up.

Bilbo focused on his project, making sure he had even stitches. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to Nori at this point. He didn’t want to say that he ruined the relationships he had with members of the company. While many of them hadn’t particularly talked to him after finding out, it was entirely possible that they were distracted by the road ahead of them, as opposed to what his body looked like. At the same time, it resulted in him getting closer to other members of the company, but potentially learning too much for his own good about them.

At the same time, it stung seeing Ori gaze at his brother with worry before he returned to watching Bilbo and his project. Bilbo hadn’t had brothers, but he knew that it couldn’t be a pleasant feeling having to have relationships with people that didn’t get along with immediate family. While Nori seemed fairly unsavory, he was family and Ori adored him in ways that Bilbo was never going to entirely understand, but had to respect.

“You help with making dinner and then you spend the rest of the evening mending away?” Bofur asked. Bilbo didn’t even notice that he was sitting nearby. “You’d make quite the wife for someone, wouldn’t you?”

Bilbo froze up, gripping the material in his hands tightly. He gulped before he said, “Your brother cleans and cooks our meals every evening. I don’t see you harassing him incessantly.”

“He would be quite the wife, you know,” Gloin noted, laughing. “But Bilbo seems to have something that he doesn’t.”

Bifur’s fingers raced and he uttered something to Bofur, making him wave his hand. “No need to worry, Bifur. We’re just sharing a few laughs!”

Ori shot up, his hands balled into fists. “Leave Bilbo alone,” he demanded. “I can sew and I can knit, and I don’t see any of you making fun of me for it.”

Nori laughed. “Well, you also don’t have quite the pair of breasts wrapped up every day in secret.”

“What difference does it make?” Ori asked. 

Bilbo finally began to move around, searching for other members of the company. Oin seemed to be contently ignoring the conversation on the outskirts of camp, perhaps determining the medical supplies that he had. Balin was near him, most likely hearing every word, but refusing to engage. Gandalf was missing, which wasn’t entirely uncommon, but still devastating to him all the same. Thorin appeared to be missing, as well. Perhaps he and Gandalf were making plans for the evening. When he found Fili, Kili, and Dwalin, he found himself shocked. Fili had one hand on the sheath of his sword, another around Kili’s waist. Kili had one hand behind his back, hiding some sort of item. Dwalin was already marching into the circle, glaring, but still silent.

“Kili isn’t trying to having some extensive charade convincing all of us that she’s something she’s not,” Nori said. 

Bilbo shot up, nearly dropping the project he was working on into the dirt. “What does it matter to you, Nori? Or to anyone? I have no interests in being anybody’s wife, because I’m a man.” 

Nori got up as well, still grinning at him. “It doesn’t matter much at all. Just seems like a waste, don’t you think?”

Ori opened his mouth, but Bilbo pushed him back. “No,” he whispered to him. Ori opened his mouth again, but Bilbo shushed him. “No, Ori. This does not concern you.”

“Of course it concerns me!” Ori exclaimed, “It’s between you and my brother!”

Bilbo marched over, not even entirely sure what he was going to say or do when he made it to Nori. He clenched his fist, getting close enough that he could at least punch him in the face, until Dori appeared between them, his hands on both of their chests.

“Enough,” Dori rumbled, his voice like nothing Bilbo ever heard before. He shoved himself further between the two of them and he stared at his brother coldly. “We have already faced too many foes together to possibly make enemies out of ourselves.”

Dwalin grabbed Bilbo and restrained him, Dori taking that as his cue to restrain Nori. “Agreed,” Dwalin replied, nearly lifting Bilbo up in the air in the process. “If I hear anything about this topic again, I am not afraid to find violent means to end the conversation.”

Dori nodded and yanked his brother away. “Come, Nori,” he demanded. Ori nearly leapt over to his brothers, following them into the darkness.

Bilbo began to struggle against Dwalin. “Can you let go of me?” he begged, stopping when he brushed up against some sort of blade.

“In a moment,” Dwalin replied, nearly dragging him away from the fire and into the area where most of the company’s bedrolls were set up. He placed him down and eyed the woods carefully before he led Bilbo a little farther. 

Bilbo couldn’t help but noisily follow him, kicking at rocks and dirt and allowing the sting of these motions shoot through his toes. “What happened to you not supporting me?”

“I never said that,” Dwalin grumbled, standing in a shadowy area that was too dark to observe his features. 

“Then why did you come to my aid?” Bilbo asked.

“Because what Nori said was disrespectful and I’m not one to allow those types of statements to happen.” He crossed his arms and added, “Also, whatever Nori was saying was clearly upsetting Miss Kili.”

Bilbo jumped up, nearly running back to camp. Dwalin pushed him back, shaking his head. “Not yet. You still have a look in your eyes.”

“I need to speak with Kili,” he said.

“You can speak with her when you’ve cooled down.”

Bilbo couldn’t quite see, but he knew that Dwalin was staring him down. He sat down, quietly, bringing his knees to his face.

Dwalin sat down next to him. “I hope you understand that I think Nori deserves a good punch to the face, too. But we are in too close of quarters for that.”

“I understand,” Bilbo whispered.

“I’m still impressed you had it in you to attempt that.”

“I… take these types of comments very personally.” That sounded like one of the larger understatements Bilbo ever said, but he kept that to himself.

Dwalin nodded his head, making some sort of grunting noise in agreement. “I’m sure Nori will reconsider his behavior after seeing you do that.”

“…I sure hope so,” Bilbo confessed. He didn’t want to make enemies anymore with the company. He knew he couldn’t have the awkward camaraderie he once had with most of them, but he wanted to at least live this nonconventional variation of his life without having to worry about being attacked for who he was.

The only bright side was the few that stayed closer to him at this point. He wasn’t entirely ready for Dwalin to place his massive hand on his shoulder, but he did it after several moments of silence. Bilbo wanted to brush his hand against his cheek, but he stopped when he felt a cold knuckleduster when he leaned his head to his side. They stayed like that long enough for a strain to start in Bilbo’s neck until they heard someone’s voice from a distance getting closer.

“Fili?” Bilbo asked, sitting up straight.

Fili entered the clearing they were sitting in, his hands full with two bowls of food. “Thorin’s back,” he said, “I tried to explain what happened as best as I could, but he’d like to speak to you, Mr. Dwalin.”

Dwalin lifted his hand off of Bilbo’s shoulder and got up, bowing his head the slightest bit before he made his way over to the campsite. Fili passed one of the bowls of food over to Bilbo and sat down. “I tried to warm up your stew over the fire for a little bit before I came over here,” he explained, spooning some from his own bowl into his mouth.

“You didn’t have to check up on me,” Bilbo murmured.

“I wanted to sooner, but I had to calm Kili down and then Thorin came back from wherever he was with Gandalf.”

“How is… everyone, I guess?”

“Kili was shaken up, but he’ll be fine. Unfortunately, it may have confirmed his reasons for not coming out to the rest of the company. Everyone else is tense, but I think it’ll be better once you get back there. Bofur and Bombur seemed really apologetic. Bifur has apparently been asking them to let up for awhile. I don’t really think Gloin will say anything to you, especially if he doesn’t have anyone else to incite it at this point.” He slurped loudly before he added, “Balin just keeps pretending it didn’t happen, because he was with Oin. But… that doesn’t really make sense to me. He had to have heard what was happening.”

Bilbo shrugged. “Perhaps he doesn’t want to take a side. I know I wouldn’t really want to in this situation.” He could feel Fili stare at him for a few moments and he held his breath. He didn’t relax until Fili began to eat again.

Fili finally said, “I also decided that I’m going to have to stay with you tonight. I’m sure nothing will happen, but I just want to make sure that you’re safe.”

“And cancel whatever plans you had with Kili? No. I’m not going to have that happen to you,” Bilbo replied. “You both deserve a night to be with each other alone.”

“You’re very generous,” Fili said, smiling gently.

“I can find someone else to sleep near if you’re worried.” Who, he wasn’t entirely sure. But he wanted to try.

Fili sighed. “You’re quite persistent.”

Bilbo realized that he had been holding his bowl for the entirety of the conversation and hadn’t even had a taste of it. He spooned some stew into his mouth before he said, “It’s the least I can do after all that you’ve done for me, Fili.”

Fili finished up his meal and stood up. He brushed nonexistent dust off of his jacket before he said, “I just feel like it wasn’t enough. I feel like I’m never going to be able to do enough for you and Kili.”

“Don’t ever think that you aren’t doing enough for the two of us,” Bilbo said, standing up with him. “I can’t speak for Kili, but I know that you’re trying your best. Considering everything else we’re working against, this is no small feat.” He gulped and added, “Your uncle thinks you’re going to make a good king, you know. Someday. When you get your home back and he’s done ruling and all that. I don’t know much about being a king, aside from my books, but I agree with him.”

Fili pushed aside several branches and waved his hand toward the opening. “After you?” he asked.

“Oh, yes.” Bilbo walked through and waited for Fili to lead again.

Fili turned back to him and said, “I appreciate what you said… about me being a king. I don’t really know what to say, though…”

“You don’t have to say much,” Bilbo told him, bumping his hip with his empty bowl. “I just thought that it was something you would want to know.”

“You’re back!” Kili exclaimed, charging over to them. He grabbed Bilbo by the shoulder and hissed, “Are you all right? I’ve been worried sick over you!”

“And I’ve been worried over you,” Bilbo replied.

Kili pouted as he crossed his arms. “I’m going to be fine. I’m… don’t worry about me. You were the one that almost punched Nori out back there.”

“I wasn’t actually going to hit him,” Bilbo mumbled, “Are you sure you’re going to be fine? Don’t lie to me, Kili.”

Kili pressed his lips together for a moment before he said, “It just made it clear to me that I can’t tell anyone about me ever. That’s all.”

Fili reached out to him and he quickly batted his hand away. “As if I was going to tell anyone about this, anyway.”

“You can’t let others that would potentially tell you horrible things be why you don’t want to make yourself happy,” Fili begged.

“And what do you know of it, Fili?” Kili growled, nearly shoving him aside.

“He can’t know,” Bilbo said, “But I can tell you that even after tonight I’m not regretting the decision I made long ago about this. You can’t let times like this make you regret living your life the way you want to.”

Fili’s face fell as he nodded. 

Kili opened his mouth, searching for the right words for awhile. “This is the life I want. It’s also the life I was supposed to have. And I want to keep it that way.” He turned to Bilbo and bowed his head. “I’m glad that you are not hurt. Have a good rest of your evening.” 

“Kili, wait,” Bilbo demanded, but Kili already left.

“I’m sorry,” Fili whispered, “I didn’t intend on this happening…”

“Go catch him,” Bilbo said, “You need to spend the night with him.”

Fili smiled weakly. “I can’t say this is how I planned to spend my evening.”

“No, I don’t think this is quite what I imagined you doing this evening, either. But you’ll be with him and I think that’s all that matters now.”

“Do you know who you’ll be sleeping near tonight?”

“I think Dwalin will be pretty easy to convince.”

“You promise?”

“If you wait any longer, Kili is going to have already run to Erebor.”

Fili laughed nervously before he jogged in the direction that Kili left in.

Bilbo slowly made his way to the fire, noticing that Thorin was the only one there. “Keeping watch?” Bilbo asked, sitting down next to him.

Thorin nodded, putting down the dagger that he was sharpening. “Do you mind giving me your perspective on what happened this evening?”

So he didn’t hear the conversation he just had with Fili and Kili. “What did you hear?”

“I heard several different accounts, along with silence from Kili, Oin, and Balin. Bombur said that it was teasing that went much too far. Ori said that you were ganged up on by the likes of Bofur, Gloin, and finally Nori. Then there were variations of severity between those two accounts.” He turned to Bilbo and said, “But I want to know what it was like for you.”

Bilbo gulped. “Nori said that what I was doing was a charade. So I tried to attack.”

Thorin frowned, reaching his hand out to line up against Bilbo’s. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

“You didn’t have to,” Bilbo replied, “Dwalin took care of that.” He stared at Thorin’s larger hand, wondering if he would notice his attempt at gently petting the side of his hand with his pinky.

Thorin briefly looked down at their hands and possibly smiled before he watched Bilbo again. “I can’t keep you safe from the dangers of our journey. But I swear to you that I will keep you safe from comments like that from our company.” He swooped in closer, their foreheads nearly touching.

Bilbo closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Thorin’s, not entirely sure if it was intentional or not. “Thank you for that,” he whispered.

Thorin pulled away from him, his lips pursed the slightest bit. “Will you stay with me while I keep watch?”

Bilbo nearly toppled over. “I mean, I certainly can. I’ll… I was wondering… never mind.”

“What is it, burglar?” Thorin asked.

“I… usually stay with Fili and Kili at night. Fili wanted to… guard me, I guess? I’m not entirely sure. But I got used to…”

“Having someone there? I would be honored. Bring your bedroll near mine.”

Bilbo jumped up, hoping that the firelight wasn’t strong enough to see the blush that was appearing on his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you do want to leave a comment, please remember to refer to Bilbo and Kili by him/his pronouns!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo completes a gift for Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the very lovely comments and kudos! I'm in the throes of finals right now, but I should be done (and graduated, eep!) in two weeks.
> 
> Also, thanks again to Eli for taking the time to beta.
> 
> If you want to talk to me outside of the comments or you want to see how I blog when writing for this fic, feel free to check out my Tumblr @ gandalfexmachina.

Bifur took the next watch shift and Thorin began to make his way to his bedroll. He stopped halfway through his motions and faced Bilbo, who was following close behind. “I found something that’s probably yours,” he noted.

“Oh, did you?” Bilbo asked.

“This?” Thorin asked, pulling the half sewn panels of the binder Bilbo was working on from inside his jacket.

Bilbo gasped, nearly ripping it out of Thorin’s hands. “Yes, that’s mine.”

Thorin glanced at the material being clenched in Bilbo’s hand and nodded his head before he ducked to his bedroll, removing his jacket before he tucked himself in. Bilbo joined him, pulling the blankets over his nose, trying his best to watch the night sky as opposed to his bedside companion.

The stars seemed so bright that he couldn’t block them out when he closed his eyes. His head refused to stop wonder where his usual bed companions were. He hoped that Kili was in better spirits than when he last left him. Thorin barely muttered a goodnight before he was already laid out for the night. Bilbo allowed himself to glance at Thorin at times, noticing the way he folded his hands under his cheek and how his features softened when he was finally in some semblance of deep sleep.

Bilbo couldn’t find whatever layer of sleep Thorin was at. He wanted to take advantage of the situation, aware that it would most likely never happen again. This was temporary. This entire journey was temporary.

Halfway through the evening, Thorin rolled the slightest bit, brushing up against Bilbo’s arm. Bilbo found himself nearly sputtering into a coughing fit, unprepared for Thorin gripping at his arm for several minutes before he let go and rolled back into place.

Bilbo reached out the slightest bit, his fingers twitching toward Thorin’s body. He sighed and brought his hand to his chest, thankful that he was able to get several hours of sleep before the sun began to rise.

 

*

The company rose uneasily in the morning. Bilbo tried his best to keep himself tucked away, hiding behind Thorin as he discussed the plan for the day with Gandalf and Balin. His eyes scoured the campsite, happy to see that Fili and Kili were side-by-side as they rolled up their bedding. 

“Good morning, my dear Bilbo,” Gandalf said, already smoking his pipe. “Did you sleep well, considering what transpired the evening before?”

Bilbo rubbed under his eyes, wondering if he could wipe away the bags that were mostly likely exaggerated from the night before. “Oh. I slept well enough.”

Gandalf broke eye contact, focusing on the rows of trees surrounding them before he said, “I’m going to have to leave you soon.”

Bilbo’s eyes widened. “You can’t go,” he said, his voice cracking the slightest bit. 

“I’m afraid you don’t have much control over this. There is business I must attend to. We will meet again soon enough, I’m sure.”

Bilbo took several deep breaths, hoping that it was enough to steady his voice before he said, “You can’t leave when something like last night happened...”

“It’s certainly not ideal, but I do believe that you will find a way to cope. From what I was told, Dwalin came to your defense.”

“He restrained me before I attacked Nori.”

“I don’t think Dwalin’s reasons for doing that were solely for Nori’s protection.”

Bilbo carded his fingers through his hair, unable to face Gandalf any longer. “I never wanted this to be found out.”

“I never intended on having anyone within the company find out, either.” Gandalf chewed on the tip of his pipe and said, “But I do have faith in them to turn it around. I believe that several of them already have. And you will do what’s necessary to ensure this change.”

Bilbo’s throat burned. He squeaked, “I don’t think I can do this, Gandalf.”

Gandalf placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I do believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that,” Bilbo whispered, finally allowing himself to face Gandalf again. “Thank you, though.”

“If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the other member of the company that keeps trying to walk into our conversation, but is talking himself out of it.” Gandalf looked over his shoulder and waved his hand. “In a moment, Kili,” he muttered, still able to smile in the process. “What I mean is that this reveal does not have to be your downfall. And neither does me leaving you for this portion of the journey. I believe in you.” Gandalf kept his voice low when he added, “He certainly does.”

Bilbo slipped his hands into his pockets, his fingers greeted by the cool metal band in one of them. He took a deep breath before he asked, “Will you be gone for long?”

“I’m afraid I can’t be certain. But I will arrive when the road says that I need to, I’m sure.” He embraced Bilbo gently, Bilbo’s cheek brushing up against the scarf around his neck. He broke the hug and smiled as he walked away, waving his hand at Kili to speak with Bilbo.

Kili spun around, staring down Gandalf’s back until he considered him far enough. He placed his hand on his neck and asked, “Did you sleep well?”

Bilbo squinted at the way his hand dug into his neck and he shrugged. “Yes, I did. I stayed up with your uncle during his watch and then we went to sleep together.” He lowered his voice, suddenly feeling like everyone in the company was too close to them for this type of conversation. “How are you holding up? I was convinced that you ran as far as you could in the woods and you would never come out.” 

Kili laughed nervously. “No. I mean, I did run into the woods. But Fili caught me. He always does.” He cleared his throat and shuffled his feet for a moment before he asked, “Was my uncle kind to you? If he harmed you in any way, I swear...”

“He was nothing but respectful. Like I said, I stayed with him during his watch and we went to bed.” He briefly wondered if he could tell Kili about his feelings for Thorin. He then realized that he would most likely have no interest in listening to someone moon over his uncle.

Kili nodded his head, finally lifting his hand off of his neck only to yank his hood up over his head. “I need to speak with my uncle about something right now. But I’m glad that you were able to sleep well.” He quickly left the conversation, his hood exposing just enough of his neck to show that it had several purple marks dotting it.

Bilbo laughed loudly, finding himself nostalgic for a time that he didn’t even have when he was younger.

Thorin announced that they were going to leave. Bilbo hastily packed up his supplies into his bag and followed the rest of the company out of their campsite.

As he searched the line and determined where he should stand in the company, he noticed another pony appear at his side. He stared at the shadows that appeared across him, realizing that he was looking at the strange profile Bofur’s hat created. 

Bofur didn’t greet him, just followed him nearby as he found his place in the line. Bilbo hummed to himself, focusing on the brief spots of sun that were able to pierce through the trees. It made more sense than overanalyzing Bofur’s silences and insistence of being so close to him.

After at least an hour of this, Bilbo found his throat getting dry from making noises and distracting himself. “It’s not like you to be this quiet,” Bilbo noted, his eyes still focused on the road.

“Oh, it’s not because I want to. But I’m beginning to learn that I need to be careful when saying things,” Bofur said, his voice so low Bilbo could hardly believe that it was coming from his mouth.

Bilbo nodded his head slowly.

“Bifur has been by your side from the start, you know,” Bofur noted. “I know you can’t really tell, because you don’t know the two languages that he can still use, but he can understand you just fine. Definitely understood you better than I did after you tried to tell us that you were a man in the first place.”

“Well... I’m thankful for that,” Bilbo replied, tilting his head far enough to catch a glimpse of Bifur as he stared at the treetops. 

“He’s... he’s great,” Bofur added. “He’s not quite how he used to be. Lots of... quirks and all that. But he’s family.”

Bilbo watched Bifur snap back into focus and stop watching the trees. He thought he was over being envious of families. He lived his life in the Shire surrounded by children who were shocked that he didn’t have siblings. He didn’t have a cousin he could turn to confidently and know that they would care about him, whether he had an axe in his head or not. And yet, the dwarves, who appeared solitary and longed to hide underneath their mountain still wanted to spend their time together.

“Could you do me a favor?” Bilbo asked. “It can be part of the process of me forgiving you.”

“Oh, aye. Anything.”

“Can you help me speak to Bifur sometime? I’m sure I’ll be able to figure it out myself, but I want to make sure that I don’t miss anything he’s trying to tell me.”

Bofur bowed his head. “I can certainly make that happen.”

“Thank you, Bofur.” He wasn’t sure if finding ways to forgive other members of the company was going to come as easy as it did with him, but he didn’t mind waiting to see how it would go.

*

Gandalf stopped at the foot of Mirkwood forest, the rest of the company stalling behind him. “It is here that I must take my leave!” he said. “I am needed elsewhere. You shall be able to get through the forest, provided you stay on the path.”

Bilbo lifted his head and smiled at Gandalf as he walked wherever he was needed. He was even able to wave before he brought his hands under his eyes and wiped away the tears about to drag down his cheeks.

*

They settled for the night, Bombur muttering to himself when he determined the little rations they had. Bilbo stayed nearby, stitching Kili’s binder together. 

“This is not good. Not good at all,” Bombur noted, turning to Bilbo.

Bilbo realized it was the first thing he said to him since the latest altercation. He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his project again.

“I suppose you’re still angry at me,” he noted. “I can’t say I blame you.”

Bilbo nodded, bringing the binder up to appreciate his work.

“I just... don’t understand it,” Bombur said.

“You don’t have to,” Bilbo replied, checking for any threads that needed to be trimmed. “You just have to leave me alone about it.”

“Will you help me learn how to try?” 

Bilbo crumpled up the binder and glared at Bombur. “That’s not my job, Bombur. You know that. You need to figure that out on your own.”

“Aye. Makes sense,” Bombur murmured, his voice nearly swallowed up by the crackling of the nearby fire.

“If you’ll excuse me, I must speak with Kili,” Bilbo said, knowing that he was not going to be able to handle the conversation.

Kili was merrily fletching arrows and chatting with his uncle, his hood still up. Thorin turned to Bilbo and smiled, nearly making Bilbo jump at the sight. “Good evening, Bilbo. How do you fare?” he asked.

Bilbo knew his smile was too wide when he replied, “I’m well. I was hoping to pull Kili aside for a moment?”

 

Kili began to collect his supplies together and asked, “Is this going to be quick?”

Bilbo shrugged. “It’s up to you, really,” he said.

Kili got up, lining himself up next to Bilbo. He waved at his uncle and said, “This may take awhile. But I will be back.”

Bilbo guided him toward the edge of camp until Bilbo stopped short. “You may want to see if Fili can be here for this.”

Kili nodded, dashing over to Fili, who appeared to be fairly content sharpening blades with Dwalin. He got up with little tugging and followed Kili to Bilbo. 

“Is everything all right?” Fili asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I didn’t even ask that, actually. What’s going on?” Kili asked.

Bilbo smiled. “Everything is fine.” He pulled on their shoulders and brought them to a slightly darker area before he pulled the binder out from the hem of his pants. He unfolded it and passed it to Kili, grinning as Kili stared at it with a puzzled look.

“I’m... lost here,” Kili confessed.

Fili laughed, crossing his arms across his chest. “You actually did it,” he noted.

“What am I looking at?” Kili asked.

Bilbo sighed. “It’s a binder, Kili. You wear it over your chest and it flattens it out.”

Kili gasped, hugging the vest tightly. “I... how? Will this fit me? Wait...”

“It should fit. Fili got the measurements or me. So if it doesn’t, it’s all his fault.”

 

Kili smirked at Fili and mouthed something at him. Fili nodded his head and Kili gasped. “You’re so... you are a sneak! A total sneak!” he exclaimed. He turned to Bilbo and asked, “Should I put this on?”

Bilbo shrugged. “It’s up to you. I understand if you don’t want to...”

Kili let out a triumphant yell as he barreled into a bush. “Putting it on!” he exclaimed, the branches rustling as he removed his layers.

“Thank you,” Fili whispered, smiling. “You’ve been doing so many great things for him recently... I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to repay you.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Bilbo said, smiling. “It’s really not necessary. I just know that it’s what I would have wanted when I was at the point he was years ago.”

Kili screamed and Fili and Bilbo nearly jumped. Fili grabbed a blade that was on his side and Bilbo searched around to realize that he had left his sword near his bedroll. 

Kili’s scream was cut off by his own laughter. “Is this really happening? You’ll never believe this... I’m stuck.”

Bilbo winced. “I should have told you how to put it on... what did you do? Put it over your head?”

“Oh, well... yeah. I did.”

Fili slipped the blade back into its hilt and groaned. “I don’t know what to do here,” he confessed.

“I’ll help him. It’s happened to me many times before,” Bilbo replied, pushing aside the bushes. Kili was standing with his arms stuck in the air, the fabric of his binder bunched up over his shoulders. “No laughing,” he demanded.

“Too late,” Bilbo said, snickering as he pressed his hand on Kili’s back. He felt a raised line against the pads of his fingers and he pulled away to see scratch marks. “These were... not done by an enemy...”

“Are you serious, Bilbo? I called you here to help me, not judge how I spend my evenings!”

“No, I’m not judging,” Bilbo replied, tugging the material that was on Kili’s shoulder and pulling it down his back. “I’m... I’m glad you were able to spend time with him.” He peeked at Kili’s neck and noticed that the dark marks were indeed hickeys. 

“You think we’re disgusting,” Kili mumbled. “Many others do. Even if we’re allowed to, because we’re royal. It’s still wrong.”

“Pull the material over your chest,” Bilbo instructed. He sighed and said, “I don’t think you’re disgusting. I will admit that I didn’t understand it at first... but now I do.”

Kili turned around, his hands cupping his chest. “Do you?” he asked, huffing. “I don’t think it’s working.”

Bilbo laughed nervously. “Well, he protects you. And loves you. And supports you. And sees you as a man and doesn’t ever question it. I don’t care that you found that kind of love with your brother... it’s the type I wish I could find for myself.” He cleared his throat and added, “You need to move your chest around a little bit. Like... pull them to the sides and all that.” 

“Oh. Oh, I get it,” Kili said, slipping his hand into the binder and adjusting his breasts underneath it. He pulled away and grinned. “It works!” he exclaimed. He stopped wiggling around and grabbed Bilbo’s arm. “Thank you,” he said, his voice suddenly lower, “For everything you have done recently.”

“I was just telling this to Fili... it’s nothing. Really. I am just happy to be someone’s support system. I know I would have liked it when I was still in hiding.”

“Even if I may always be in hiding?” Kili asked.

“...you don’t have to be. I couldn’t do that,” he replied.

Kili’s grip on his wrist tightened for a brief moment before he let go. “I’m sorry,” Kili said, “I just... I need to hide. It hurts, but at least I get to stay with Fili. I’m fine with it.”

Bilbo glared.

“Well, fine isn’t the right word. I just... I want to be with him. And if everyone knew... even if they accepted it... they would probably try to separate us. Make him find a proper queen and all that. Let me be alone, I suppose.” He bent down to grab his tunic and slipped into it. “I know you probably don’t get it. You’ve always been able to do things on your own. You didn’t have to worry about what everyone else wanted you to do.”

“You’re in love. That’s something I can’t say I’ve ever really felt about someone... for a long while.” He bit the inside of his lip carefully, wondering if he was already saying too much. “It’s a deep love that you don’t want to lose.”

“It’s a bit of a problem with dwarves. Letting you know. Really selfish with love,” Kili mumbled, putting on his jacket and adjusting everything. “Or just really desperate in my case.”  
“Are you ready yet?” Fili whined. “I want to see!”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “He’s most likely as desperate as you are.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo is asked to spy on Thorin, finally has a conversation with him about their relationship, and finds himself feeling particularly hopeless when he's talking to Kili about the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I have taken so long to update! I graduated college and have been finish up cosplay/moving to a new apartment/starting grad school/life ahhhh!
> 
> But here is the next chapter! Please let me know what you think! And thank you so much for your patience :>
> 
> This have been betaed again by the lovely Eli <3

Bilbo returned to camp, leaving Fili and Kili alone along the outskirts of it to talk amongst themselves. He noticed a space next to Thorin and sat next to him.

Thorin turned to face him. “You have returned without either my niece or nephew.”

“Oh,” Bilbo said, pressing his lips together. “They were… looking at something.”

“I’ll go find them,” he muttered, getting up and walking into the woods. Bilbo reached out, frustrated that he didn’t get to say anything as he disappeared.

“Could you make sure he doesn’t get lost?” Dwalin asked, not even looking up from the conversation he was carrying with Gloin.

Bilbo stared at the dark masses of trees surrounding them, recalling Beorn’s words back at his home. “Should I be armed?” he asked, wondering how far Thorin would have gotten himself.

“Probably,” Dwalin said, shrugging.

Bilbo retrieved his sword from his bedroll and had gone in the general direction Thorin went. Unsure if he wanted Thorin to see that he was being assigned as a nanny of sorts, he slipped his hand into his pocket and pushed the ring onto his finger. Eventually, he found Thorin standing in an area where the trees weren’t as dense. He watched Thorin speaking to someone, realizing that he was conversing with Fili and Kili. They must have found each other when wandering.

“I don’t understand the issue,” Fili was saying. “It’s been assumed that you would never marry by our people. Why else would they have never questioned my title as heir?”

Bilbo pressed himself against a bush and peered out of it, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.

“What I’m trying to figure out is how you’ve spent so much of this journey able to hide the fact that you were mooning over him,” Kili mumbled, his hood up again.

“It’s just… sudden,” Thorin confessed.

Bilbo nearly shoved his face into the bush, but resisted. It seemed that Thorin knew every member of the company. Bilbo was the newest companion. While there were plenty of moments Bilbo could have leaned in and kissed him or outright asked, he never assumed that Thorin potentially felt the same.

“Is it really all that sudden?” Kili asked.

“He saved your life a few weeks ago,” Fili added.

“Which does seem to be the way to your heart,” Kili said, giggling. 

“I must focus on Erebor,” Thorin replied flatly.

“Which you have done since it was lost,” Fili pointed out, his tone suddenly deeper and more formal than usual. “Thorin, you have been a great leader for our people. For this company. But aside from us and mother, how many people have you let in all that close?”

“And don’t say anyone you went to war with. That doesn’t count.”

“No one,” Thorin said. “But… this is so… unnatural.”

Bilbo covered his mouth, gripping his face to resist screaming. He spent too much of his life being told he was that to hear it from someone he had feelings for. He slumped down and hugged his knees, knowing that even if he revealed himself and charged into the conversation, nothing would change.

“Because of… what exactly?” Kili asked, his voice wary.

“Because he’s a hobbit and I’m a dwarf. It’s not a union that’s seen commonly.”

“Really?” Kili asked, his voice somewhat relieved.

“Yes. We will need to be in constant contact with other races… gathering allies… support. My desires will endanger this communication.”

Bilbo finally let go of his knees. It hurt to think that Thorin had feelings he did not feel that he would be able to reciprocate, but at least it wasn’t due to his body, aside from the race he came from.

“They won’t,” Fili said. “Especially when they hear of the great hobbit and greater burglar who was able to help us get our home back.”

Thorin sighed. “You are both so young. You still know so little.”

“I think we know more than you think about relationships,” Kili grumbled. “Give us credit.”

There was silence for a moment, Bilbo catching the way that the three of them shifted away from each other for a long while.

Fili finally announced, “We’re going to head back to camp.” 

“You should come with us,” Kili added.

Thorin shook his head. “I’m going to stay here for a little while longer. I still have to collect my thoughts.”

“Be cautious,” Fili said. He turned to Kili and offered his arm. Kili hooked his arm around it and waved at Thorin before they ambled along arm in arm.

Bilbo bit the inside of his lip as he watched Thorin stare off in the direction Fili and Kili left. He briefly considered taking off his ring and springing from behind the bush to tell Thorin that his feelings could and would be reciprocated, he just had to give it a chance. But no part in that conversation sounded like Thorin was interested in listening. 

Thorin finally changed direction, his eyes raised to the thick branches above him. Fili was wrong about him being unmarried. He was married to the idea of the home that he lost to the dragon long ago and once he reclaimed it he was going to be married to the idea of having it be restored to its former glory.

Bilbo didn’t know much about dwarves, but he read enough love stories to know that this was never going to work. Not when he refused to open himself up and when Thorin refused to loosen the binds of his life’s work.

Bilbo stayed behind the bush a moment longer, listening to the rustling of the leaves. Thorin tilted his head, most likely distracted by the same noise. A skittering noise tumbled through the silence, causing Bilbo to jump. He noticed the way that bushes shook around him, a black mass crawling toward Thorin. Bilbo gasped, slipping his ring off and into his pocket before he threw himself in front of the creature. Thorin grabbed his dagger from his side seconds before Bilbo plunged his sword into it, jumping aside as its body twitched with the blade in the center of it.

“I thought you were at camp,” Thorin said, his hand still hovering around the hilt of his dagger.

Bilbo watched the creature’s motions cease before he yanked the sword out and looked down. “Is that a spider?” he asked, counting the legs under his breath.

Thorin pushed Bilbo aside to confirm. He frowned, backing away. He turned to Bilbo and hissed, “Why were you out here?”

“Dwalin and I were worried about you. I volunteered to make sure you didn’t get lost in this place!”

“Did you hear anything?”

“No!” Bilbo lied, his voice too loud. “I heard something and found you… and it… at the same time.” He paused, listening for anymore rustling. “I’ve never seen a spider this large.”

“Forests like this are full of foul things,” Thorin noted. “They lead to things even fouler.” He twisted on his heel toward the direction of camp. “Thank you,” he murmured. “You may have saved my life again.”

“You would have done the same for me,” Bilbo noted. 

“Tell me, burglar… where do you plan to go when this whole thing ends?” Thorin asked, his voice weak.

Bilbo gulped, tilting his sword in his hand to inspect the dark fluid that coated his blade. “I’m not sure,” he confessed, “I am beginning to wonder if I have changed too much to come back just yet. I’ve gotten quite… attached.”

Thorin was quite for a moment and said, “It seems you’ve gotten quite close to a few of the members of the company, in spite of recent events. You certainly have charmed both Fili and Kili.”

“They are kind. It’s not hard to be endeared by either of them.”

“They’re easy to talk to. It’s a quality they’ve gotten from their mother.”

“She’s your sister, yes?” Bilbo didn’t want the conversation to end.

“Yes. My younger sister.”

“What’s she like?”

“Imagine a more mature Kili. If you could. She laughs easy. And smiles easier. She has a habit of accusing me of being too serious. You’d like her.”

“Perhaps I’ll have the honor of meeting her.” He closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to imagine what Thorin’s sister would look like. Perhaps she had the same blue eyes as her brother and one of her sons. Perhaps she wore blue like her kin, or maybe something entirely different. He couldn’t be sure. He wiped his blade against the side of a tree before he slipped it into his hilt.

Thorin turned to him, pressing closer against him than anticipated. Bilbo leaned closer into him, their lips brushing against each other before Thorin tossed his head back. “Nothing good can come of this,” Thorin said.

Bilbo turned away, shrugging his shoulders. “I know,” he confessed.

Thorin grabbed him by his chin and shoved his lips onto his, breaking the kiss and backing away. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“I know you are.”

“This isn’t because of your body. Not because of you having the form of a maid…”

“I assumed.” His tone was more miserable than he anticipated. “A hobbit and a dwarf make strange bedfellows.”

“They don’t necessarily. I’m sure we could learn a great deal from each other. But I’m also certain that this could endanger both of our welfare.”

“Your life was hardly going to fit me in it as your burglar. I highly doubt I could stay there as your partner.”

“It can’t, can it?” Thorin asked. “How unfortunate.”

“A lot of things in our lives are,” Bilbo noted. He laughed, his voice cutting too bitter against the air. 

“I just want to make this clear it’s not because of your body.”

“It is. It’s about the hobbit parts of me, is all. Not the whole… what did you say? Being born in the form of a maid? That.”

Thorin smiled weakly. “I am honored to call you my friend, Master Baggins.”

Bilbo smiled back. “I suppose that must be good enough for me,” he confessed.

They walked side by side toward camp again, no longer speaking. When they finally entered, they faced opposite directions, prepared for whatever tasks they had for themselves.

“Would you like it if I kept you company tonight?” Thorin asked. “I still want to be able to protect you.”

Bilbo nearly laughed, making a choking noise instead. “I’m afraid I don’t have the heart to,” he confessed.

Thorin stood there a little longer, bowing his head before he left for the company of Balin.

For the first time in a long while on the journey, Bilbo took his bedroll and dragged it far away from the others, creating a closed off area for himself and his own privacy.

*

Wandering through the forest the next day was arduous for a variety of reasons. Bombur had no food to prepare for breakfast. They lost the path, even though Gandalf advised them not to, and Bilbo couldn’t bring himself to talk to anyone, so he remained toward the back end of the company. 

He contemplated approaching Kili, asking how the binder went for him and to tell him that he shouldn’t wear it for too many hours at a time, but he resisted. It wasn’t worth potentially disrupting Thorin from his eyes on the path and having to look at his mournful expression.

Eventually, Kili grew restless, backing farther and farther down the line, eventually making his way toward Bilbo. He cleared his throat, leaning in toward Bilbo before he whispered, “Guess what?”

Bilbo rubbed his face and groaned before he turned to him. “What, Kili?”

Kili grinned. “I’m wearing the vest you made me! Want to see how it looks?” He opened his jacket and showed off his chest. The fabric fell loosely where his chest typically filled it out. “Fili made me take it off when we went to bed, but I slipped it on again before we left. I didn’t get stuck this time around.”

“I’m happy to hear that, Kili. But you should listen to Fili. You could hurt yourself if you keep it on overnight.”

Kili scrunched his nose and tossed his head back. “I guess you’re right,” he murmured. “But I really like it. I need to find a way to repay you.”

“I don’t think I really want you to repay me, to be quite honest,” Bilbo confessed.

Kili sighed, focusing on the path Thorin was attempting to make for a moment before he asked, “What’s wrong, Bilbo? You didn’t sleep with me and Fili _or_ my uncle last night. Was it something he did?” 

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. Kili was childlike in so many ways. He ran foolishly into battle and went into any part of the trail, whether it was the relationships he had with the company or with the combat they exchanged, passionately. And while he was certainly considered young by the standards of most of his kin, he still existed longer than Bilbo had in regards toward time in this world. He knew more of the world than Bilbo realized, especially in regards toward the way others interacted.

It was entirely possible that he had loved Fili longer than Bilbo had been alive. Perhaps he wasn’t always aware of it, but he certainly knew of his love and had some variation of feelings toward him. Suddenly, the young man at his side was no longer that and Bilbo didn’t know what to do with the shift.

“Bilbo? Was it something that my uncle _didn’t do_ that made you want to be back here?”

Bilbo turned to the man and said, “A bit of both, I suppose.”

“How so?”

“We talked. The feelings are… the same. But we can’t be anything.”

Kili shook his head. “That’s a lie. You can be anything. There’s nothing that ever stops you from that. The only issue is when you refuse to be.”

“There’s too much in the way for either of us to be together.” He sighed. “It’s just as well. People like us aren’t prone to happy endings. You are an exception.”

Kili snapped the reins of his pony and shoved it in front of Bilbo’s. Bilbo’s backed away, ready to jump. Bilbo gasped, grabbing the pony’s neck weakly. 

“ _Kili_!” Bilbo exclaimed, “What was that for?”

Kili glared at him, waiting until the rest of the company was a distance ahead of them. “I think we’re having a bit of a miscommunication here,” he said, his voice steady and low. “I have sacrificed way too much for the love that I have. I have turned down any and all opportunities to tell others about who I am, what I want to be referred to as, because I didn’t want to lose Fili to some beautiful princess who actually wants to be a queen. I don’t get much of a happy ending here, aside from when I’m in private quarters or with the three others that know about me.” 

Bilbo turned away, wondering if he could maneuver his nervous pony away. Instead, Kili circled with his, keeping them in place.

“You can have both. Not only that, but you can have both and make my uncle happy. I want to see that. And I don’t think you’re particularly interested in making yourself more miserable than you already are.”

“He said it himself that it’s not going to work. That my being a hobbit and his being a dwarf would prevent any and all opportunities for us to be together.”

“Then prove him wrong. Make it known to him that you’re just as worthy as he is to you.” He finally returned to Bilbo’s side, moving along with the company again. “Love’s hard to start and it’s even harder to keep. But if you want it and you found someone who wants it, too, then it’s worth it. But you need to try.”

Bilbo slowly followed behind Kili, taking a shaky breath. “I suppose that’s true. But I haven’t really been with others before. Not in the relationship way, at least.”

“I wasn’t in a relationship before Fili,” Kili said, shrugging. His voice was no longer as deep as it was before, allowing Bilbo to be comfortable enough at his side. “I had this phase where I would slip out of the house and go to taverns. I would give fake names. I knew I wanted to be with Fili, but I wanted to see what it was like. I wondered if being me had anything to do with who I wanted to be with.”

“How did that work?”

“Apparently, I like anyone who has blue eyes and fair hair, regardless of their gender.”

“You have a type.”

“I do. But it doesn’t matter much now. I found the best example of my type for me.” He grinned. “Do you have a type, Bilbo?”

Bilbo laughed. “I can’t say I really remember anymore.”

“All the more reason to try! Perhaps he’s just the type for you and you just never really talked to a dwarf yet to confirm!”

Bilbo sighed, tossing his head back to let out a groan. “I suppose so.”

“I just want you and Thorin to be happy.”

“I do, too. I just don’t want you to put too much faith that it’s going to happen.”

They were silent for a long moment, listening to them clear the path together. Kili hummed to himself and smiled the entire time.

As the day continued, the forests began to ache with a sound familiar to the night before. Dark masses raced through, rustling through the branches as they approached. Bilbo let out a yelp, Kili turning his head in response. The rest of the company twisted around, grabbing their weapons at their sides.

Thorin turned his head, briefly looking in the general direction of Bilbo and Kili. Bilbo saw an opening toward the back, contemplating escaping before he slipped his ring on and hid like he did before. Instead he saw Kili and waved, hoping he’d escape as well.

Kili noticed him, his eyes wide as they met with his.

“Come with me!” Bilbo begged.

Kili shook his head and grabbed his sword instead, charging toward one of the creatures in front of him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiders attack, orcs try to take advantage of this fact, and Bilbo wanders the dungeons of Mirkwood to speak with Nori, Thorin, Kili, Bifur, and Fili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you Eli (thewordwielder @ Tumblr) for betaing this!

There was a moment in which Bilbo was back-to-back with a poisoned, bedraggled, but very much alive Fili as they spaced a giant spider. Others were circling them, waiting patiently to strike the duo.

His sword in his hand, he threw himself into the dangerous path of the massive creatures, stabbing into one like he had the night he saved Thorin from one. As the spider writhed in pain, it emitted a foul cry that made his ears ring. He backed away, taking a moment to admire his handiwork. It was hasty, but protected himself and Fili. A worthy strike from a not-so-worthy blade.

It was enough to make Bilbo think of the adventures he read about before he went on one of his own. How swords had names and stories to tell, even though it appeared that his didn’t have one like Gandalf or Thorin’s blades.

As he stabbed at another spider, he realized that now was the time to make one. 

“I will give you a name and I will call you _Sting_ ,” he whispered to it, donning his magic ring and dashing his way toward the sacks that the rest of the company were in.

He ripped open sack after sack that the rest of the company was trapped in, only taking a breath when he found Kili and Thorin. When he wasn’t focused on the spiders or saving others, he found himself wondering at what point he had decided that they were worth all this trouble. 

It wasn’t when Gandalf appeared at Bag End. It certainly wasn’t when the company arrived soon after and raided his pantry. It wasn’t when he had his secrets come out, either. But when the spiders arrived, he found that they were worth saving.

He needed to have them survive so he could continue the close bonds he had with certain members and he had to take the time to make them get closer. They just had to survive these spiders.

Unfortunately, it seemed that a group of thirteen poisoned dwarves and a hobbit with a ring that could make him invisible wasn’t enough.

The company began to press up against each other, searching the ground for their weapons, and if they couldn’t find them, a long enough stick or some rocks.

Suddenly, several spiders toppled over, plowed down by curved blades from a hidden enemy.

Bilbo moved forward, but Fili straightened up and shielded him with his blade. They glanced at Bilbo’s sword, which was suddenly glowing blue as a galloping noise made the floor of the forest shake, coming from multiple sides.

The ugly shriek of an orc horn filled the air and Bofur let out a pained gasp.

Thorin turned around to his company. “Stand your ground!” he demanded. “If you are strong enough, protect another who needs it.”

Orcs riding wargs charged into the clearing, grinning wickedly at them. Fili tossed Bilbo behind him and staggered forward. Everybody looked like they could use protection. Even Dwalin appeared wilted as he counted the amount of orcs forming around them. There were at least six. 

The orcs opened a space in their circle as Azog and his massive warg appeared, grinning at them. Ugly noises escaped his mouth as he began to laugh. Bilbo looked down, focusing on how his sword glowed blue. How the light reflected on Fili’s blades. How sweat cut into the dirt on Thorin’s face when Bilbo willed himself to look up at him.

The orc with the horn blew once more, the vile sound ripping into the air. When Bilbo turned to them, he saw an arrow in their throat. Kili dashed past him, launching another arrow, and screamed something in Khuzdul before Thorin responded with a scream of his own and barreled toward Azog. Dwalin ran as well, taking his hammer and smashing it into another warg’s face.

The rest of the company launched forward. Bifur shoved a sharp stick through an orc’s eye while Ori knocked them off with a large rock. Nori tripped a warg while Bofur smashed its skull with a hammer. Bilbo was just thankful that he was seeing sprays of black blood, not red.

Fili shoved Bilbo further and further away, only attacking defensively if the enemy appeared to come closer to them. Bilbo backed up as far as he could, tripping over the gnarled root of a tree. His sword slipped out of his hands and he ducked, only to look up and see an orc charging toward him. He screamed, his fingers still loose around the hilt of his sword. 

Thankfully, Kili skidded in front of him, striking the orc with his sword.

“Get back to Fili!” Kili exclaimed, “I got this!” He swung his sword again to block a hit.

Bilbo bolted, turning back to see that Kili was still up and fighting. Fili threw himself in front Bilbo again and hissed, “I’m not losing you!” before he crossed his swords across a warg’s side.

Bilbo blocked his face from a spray of blood and didn’t lower it until he heard another horn. The pitch was much sweeter than the orc’s earlier.

Azog yelled, Thorin able to get a swipe at him as he began to retreat. He yelled for the two orcs that were still standing to join him, eventually being chased away by the tall, willowy forms of elves riding horses. Bilbo watched in awe, only moving when Kili ran up to them to press against Fili and him. Kili hissed, bending forward for a moment.

“Are you injured?” Fili asked, reaching out.

Kili swatted his hand away, shrugging. “I scraped myself on something, but I think I’ll be fine.” He grabbed Fili by the shoulders and turned him to face to elves.

Kili then faced Bilbo and pressed his free hand against his arm. “If you can hide, do it,” he demanded.

Bilbo backed away, fiddling for his ring in his pocket. When he found it still in the pocket of his vest he slipped it on, becoming invisible as the elves surrounded the company and were able to restrain them with most of the company only able to cry out in frustration.

*

It’s difficult watching the company be thrown against King Thranduil, but Bilbo could manage it. They were all alive and accounted for, even though they couldn’t say the same for him. However, when they were thrown into the dungeons, he found himself much more nervous. He entered the room and slipped around, keeping several steps away from the guards that made their daily rounds. 

The first member of the company he found, strangely enough, was Nori. Apparently he had already tried to pick the lock of a different cell by the time Bilbo spotted him and he was moved into a smaller location. He watched the elves glare at him for several moments after they locked the cell. Eventually they marched off, continuing their rounds. Bilbo padded toward the cell, waiting until they had turned into a different corridor before he removed his ring and presented himself in front of him.

When Nori’s eyes focused on him, he realized that he hadn’t had a conversation with him aside from the conflict at least a week ago at this point. He focused on the way that Nori’s hair collected in ugly knots along his side as he walked up against the bars.

“Well if it isn’t our burglar,” he purred.

Bilbo gulped, lifting his chin. “How are you holding up?”

Nori smirked, pulling his tangled hair to one shoulder. “What’s it matter to you?”

Bilbo grinded his teeth for a moment until he said, “I’m here to free everybody.”

Nori slinked up against the bars and laughed. “That doesn’t necessarily mean you want to, especially after our recent disagreements.”

“I’d hardly call our recent confrontations just disagreements.”

Nori cocked his hip. “There’s no need to sound formal while speaking to me. I think even my younger brother would agree that I’m not a particularly great man.”

Bilbo backed away, almost wishing that there was a guard coming their way. “According to you, I’m not a great man, either. I guess that makes us good company. So don’t question my reasoning behind freeing all of you.”

“I was wrong,” Nori said, pulling away from the bars. “You aren’t soft like a woman at all. You’re just as cold as any other man.”

Bilbo took a deep breath, repeating the phrase in his head for a moment. He kept his voice steady as he said, “I’m not leaving you here. I am going to leave here with all of you. I just need some time. Can you tell me where the others are?”

Nori slipped his hands between the bars and pointed down the corridor. “The men are just down the way, aside from Thorin and Kili. Thorin’s in an area that’s easy access to Thranduil and Kili was placed in an area that only the lady elf that captured us can get to.” I just can’t say that I know where they are.”

Bilbo nodded his head slowly, waving his hand. “Thank you,” he said, slipping away from Nori’s view before he put the ring on.

Bilbo padded down the hall, finding most of the company when he walked down the way. He winced when he saw what they were doing with their spare time, including Bofur spinning his hat on his finger, Fili pressing his forehead against the bar that when he lifted it there was a red mark down it, and Ori scribbling thoughts on scraps of paper.

He had plenty of time to talk to them later, he reasoned. But he had to keep moving forward to a dungeon closer to Thranduil’s throne room. He closed his eyes, attempting to configure the level above them. He continued to move forward, taking a fork to another section before he stumbled upon Thorin’s cell.

For an elf-sized cell, Thorin appeared closed in on, even when he was stripped of most of his layers of clothes. Bilbo watched him for a long moment before he finally removed the ring from his finger and presented himself to him.

“Hello,” Bilbo said, his voice so soft it almost seemed to be consumed by the space between them.

Thorin looked up, his eyes widening. “You came,” he whispered. He dragged himself closer to the bars, his tunic slipping against one shoulder.

As he walked over, Bilbo realized how starving everyone must have been at this point. He had an ache in his own stomach that refused to leave for a long while, but at least he could grab crumbs while cloaked in the invisibility of the ring. He was certain that they would receive rations, but he couldn’t be sure how often. 

Thorin slipped his hand between the bars and grabbed Bilbo’s. “I was worried that you were lost. How are you?”

Bilbo shrugged. “Trying my best to find the company. And you?” He curled his hand to fit around his and winced when he felt his stomach flip.

“I’ve been better,” Thorin confessed, “How are the others? My nephew? My niece? If that disgusting elf did anything to her…”

“I’m quite certain he would do nothing of the sort. Kili would make sure of that. Regardless, Kili’s been placed in a separate area. She’s only guarded by women. Nori said she’s been watched by the one that was the captain of that group that captured us. I just haven’t found her yet.”

“But you will?” he asked.

“Of course I will. And then it’s planning an escape plan for all of you, I suppose.” He leaned forward and tried his best to press himself up against Thorin.

Thorin sank closer against him and sighed. “You shouldn’t…” he started.

“I’m aware,” Bilbo said, his voice harsher than he anticipated.

Thorin was silent for a long moment before he muttered to himself, “No, not here.”

Bilbo shook his head. “I am not looking for your affection. I never did.”

“No, it’s not that…” Thorin started, only to shake his head. “We must speak of this only when the company is freed of this dungeon.”

Bilbo backed away from the bars. “Yes, I suppose we should,” he said. He brushed off nonexistent dust from his clothes and smiled. “Well, I need to at least attempt to find Kili before I head out of here. I will be back tomorrow. Are there any messages you want me to pass along?”

Thorin’s eyes roamed around the room as he pressed his lips together. “I suppose just say that you have found me and I am refusing to break in front of that disgusting…”

“ _Sh_ ,” Bilbo hushed him. “We’re too close to the throne room for comfort with that language.” He smiled gently. “When we get out of here you can say whatever you want about these elves. But until then, try your best to behave.”

“No guarantee,” Thorin growled. “Good luck with finding Kili. Let me know how your search goes when I see you next.”

Bilbo nodded, walking away from the cell and trying to ignore how endeared he was by the last part of their exchange. There was no need to get attached to these moments. Nothing could come out of them. He let out a groan of frustration before he slipped his ring back on his finger and searched for Kili.

*

The most difficult aspect of the journey for Bilbo, in regards toward coming in contact with others, was the fact that he was developing close friendships.

He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke with someone without the obligation of a familial connection and wanted to spend more time with them afterwards. There wasn’t much need. He could read and write, which allowed him to be occupied most of the time and not think about how empty his property was on nice days he could be having tea and chatting with others. 

If he was going to have a friend like that, he could only assume that they were going to be someone who was interested in the same things he was. A fellow hobbit who appreciated love stories and maps. Maybe someone who dabbled in writing poetry.

Instead, he found friendship in a brash dwarf who was merrily chatting with an elf guard as he neared the cell he was imprisoned in. A young adventurer with a kind heart and little appreciation for tea, reading love stories, or writing poetry. 

Bilbo couldn’t help but smile as Kili tilted his head back and laughed. Technically, he didn’t have much confirmation for any aspect of the last statement. He still hadn’t had much time to ask Kili about those subjects yet. But Kili could have said anything and he wouldn’t care any less about him.

The elf, the one with red hair that seemed responsible for Kili according to Nori, shook her head. “If your goal is to keep me distracted from making my rounds, you’re doing a very good job of it.”

Kili shrugged. “This is what happens if you separate me from my brother. I become too chatty and will trap you in a conversation.”

She sighed. “I’m leaving now.”

“Well, you’re going to be back.”

The elf rolled her eyes, smirking as she walked away from the cell.

Bilbo watched her walk away, grinning when she turned her head once more to look at the cell before she disappeared down the hall. He removed his ring and kneeled in front of Kili, who was still leaning against the walls.

Kili’s eyes lit up when he saw Bilbo and laughed. “Bilbo!” he exclaimed, his arms reaching out from between the bars to wrap him up in a complicated embrace. “I knew you’d come,” he whispered, squeezing him tightly.

Bilbo allowed himself to be smashed up against the bars for a moment before he slipped out of his arms. “That’s funny, because Nori and Thorin weren’t quite as optimistic.”

“Well, who cares what Nori thinks. And I don’t think my uncle has trusted anyone outside of our family in… ever. But did you find everyone? How are they doing? Is Fili all right?”

Bilbo laughed, opening the gaps between his fingers so Kili could lace his own through them. “I found everyone. I was only able to really talk to Nori, who led me to them, and Thorin. But I’m sure I’ll be able to talk to everyone soon enough. Fili seemed… pretty frustrated when I saw him. Slamming his head against a bar and everything.”

Kili sighed. “He is the absolute worst when it comes to these types of situations.”

“You mean the two of you have been imprisoned before?”

“No! I just mean with isolation. He doesn’t think to talk to the guards and find ways to break up the time. He just mopes.” He gripped Bilbo’s hand tightly before he said, “He should ease up when he finds out that I’m fine. Just be prepared to see quite a scary sight when you finally speak with him.”

“And of course I have to be the one that deals with him.”

“I would if I could. You know that. I already tried getting out of this and even though the captain of Thranduil’s army that’s guarding me thinks this whole thing is ridiculous, she hasn’t been able to get it through his head that we shouldn’t be in here like this.” 

“So it really is up to me,” Bilbo said.

“I mean, I don’t think she’s going to tell everyone if she realizes her keys are missing. But for the most part, this is up to you. I’ll try and get as much detail as possible from her. Keep you updated and all that.”

Bilbo smirked. “You’re quite crafty when you want to be.”

Kili winked and let go of Bilbo’s hand. “While I’d love to talk, you should probably get going. Pretty sure you’ve been wandering this place for way too long already.”

Bilbo reached out, disappointed when Kili’s hand disappeared behind the bars. “I suppose you’re right,” he said. Unsure of what else to say, he walked away from the cell and put his ring on, prepared to make his way out of the dungeons for the evening.

*

Bilbo arrived at the dungeon mid-afternoon, prepared to meet with the rest of the company. He didn’t have a plan for escape just yet, but he was determined to create one soon enough. He couldn’t allow the quest to fall apart because of this. Not when they were this close.

While many of the dwarves were disappointed that he still didn’t have a plan, they were happy to give him messages to share with the others. Ori wanted to tell Nori to be good. Bofur wanted to tell Bombur to attempt to eat out of the cell. Dwalin wanted to pass a headbutt toward Balin, but Bilbo refused to go through with the motion. The messages, though peculiar, appeared to be exactly what the receiving end wanted to hear. Nori smirked, his eyes lighting up the slightest bit. Bombur laughed loud enough that he had to cover his mouth. Balin simply shook his head and said that he was fine with Bilbo not going through with the headbutt.

When Bilbo arrived at Bifur’s cell, he found himself nervous. He hadn’t been able to speak with Bifur as Bofur had promised, but he knew he had to at least pass the messages from Bofur and Bombur to him.

Bifur bounded over toward the bars, his eyes following Bilbo as he shifted from side-to-side.

“Well, Bofur and Bombur say hello. They wanted to know if you are being treated fairly, even though the elves may not understand you,” Bilbo explained, nearly stomping his feet on the ground to stop them from moving.

Bifur nodded his head twice, his fingers dancing around into some kind of gestures.

“I’m sorry, Bifur, I don’t know either of the languages you speak…” Bilbo started.

Bifur grunted, waving his hand to the side.

“I mean, I can try? Just correct me if I get anything wrong.” He looked around before he bent down. “So you are being treated well?” he asked.

Bifur’s eyes floated back and forth before he nodded. He rubbed his stomach and shrugged. Then he tapped his head and nodded again.

“You could be fed more, but… your head is fine?” Bilbo asked.

Bifur made a noise that may have been yes in Khuzdul. Bilbo couldn’t be sure. He then raced his fingers around each other before he raised his left arm and slapped it.

“What’s that?” Bilbo asked, replicating the motion. They did it nearly in harmony together, until suddenly Bilbo could imagine Thorin standing proudly, his oak shield ready to take an attack. “Thorin!” he exclaimed.

Bifur grinned, his lips somewhat lopsided.

“I found him yesterday. I wanted to check on all of you before I tried to talk to him again.”

Bifur then pretended to hold an imaginary bow, launching an invisible arrow at Bilbo.

Bilbo grinned. “Kili is fine, too. Making nice with the captain who captured you, actually.”

Bifur scrunched his nose and shrugged.

“I know. I don’t plan on letting Thorin know about that.”

Bifur smiled again, his expression seeming much softer than it did before. He then pointed to Bilbo.

Bilbo pointed to himself. “Me? What about me?”

Bifur leaned against the bar, pulling his hair aside to expose his ear.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I’m just working on an escape plan. Don’t you worry about me.”

Bifur glared at him, his lips still quirked into some kind of smirk.

Bilbo sighed, pressing his forehead against the bars, near Bifur’s shoulder. “I’m scared,” he whispered, wishing his words could be consumed before they could hit Bifur’s ears. “I’m hardly a burglar. How can I organize a massive escape like this? But I need to try.”

Bifur bowed his head low enough that his beard brushed the ground.

Bilbo laughed. “At your service, isn’t that what all you dwarves like to say?”

Bifur bowed his head again.

Bilbo laughed. “Promise me we’ll have a long conversation sometime. A proper conversation. Meaning, I’ll be able to understand your hand motions and not force you to make them up for me to understand.” He stood up and adjusted his clothes, adding, “I’ll let Bofur and Bombur know that you’re safe. But if you excuse me, I need to speak to Fili. I’m sure he’s worried himself into some sort of frenzy.”

Bifur sighed, waving as Bilbo left. Bilbo waved back, feeling a little lighter as he marched his way over to Fili’s cell.

When Fili slammed himself toward Bilbo, he found himself unfazed by the reaction. He simply said, “Kili is fine.” Fili stopped slamming against the bars. “Thorin is, as well.” He then stopped gripping on the bars as tightly as he was beforehand. “I’m working on a way out. Do you need me to pass any messages along?”

Fili tried to smile, his lips forming a grimace more than anything else. “I don’t know. I guess just tell Thorin that I’m sorry I couldn’t free everyone myself.”

Bilbo shook his head, only to raise it a little higher. “With all due respect, that’s more of a job for a burglar like myself. Not a king. Just trust me, I’m going to make this work.”

Fili finally smiled without looking as if he was in pain and Bilbo considered it a victory.


End file.
